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RAT ARCHIVE No6 |  |
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ARCHIVE Stories which have previously appeared on Rat
Droppings TORIES NEED A HIS-TORY LESSON May 8th Here we go, the starter pistol hasn't been fired, but the election campaign will kick off soon. Already the TORIES have come out with their proposals for Local Government. Something about freeing the local councils. Have they now added amnesia to their other problems? Are they thick or do they think the electorate is? The TORIES were the ones that starved the councils systematically of cash, then put the blame on them when they were forced to raise rates. Then they brought in the Poll Tax, and don't forget that the GLC was abolished primarily because Ken Livingstone was too popular, and they feared losses in London if they didn't? They took power from the local councils increasingly over their 18 years of misrule, and now they want the chance to do so again. TORY GRAFFITTI Graffitti? That's unwanted stuff on walls innit? The TORIES want to clean up the stuff so they say(more smoke and mirrors to distract from real issues that they have no answers for) they could start with their pathetic Pregnant Blair poster. Very funny....not! Where Labour hasn't delivered is often in areas where the mess was even bigger than was thought before the election last time. The shortfall in teachers, doctors and policeofficers all are a result of TORY policies. Are they forgetting how long it takes to train such people, seven years in the case of a doctor, and about the same for a teacher. That means if there is a problem now, then it was the TORIES who caused it. Come back in four years with this and if there still is a problem then maybe somebody will take the stupid bastards seriously. Go back to the pubs in Yorkshire Billy Boy, I'm sure there's a future for you in stand up comedy in the working men's clubs. The Blackrat apologises for lifting half of this crap from earlier stories, but that's all the TORIES are doing.. WHAT MEDICATION ARE THE TORIES TAKING? May 5th 2001, Well, the election is surely only days away from being called, and the TORIES are up to their pathetic tricks again with the Health Service. "I want to create a responsible society" whines Dr. Dead Fox the shadow health spokesperson. Lying bastard, all you want to do is dump the responsibility on someone else and say "It's not the government's job." I wonder what they think IS the government's job? Fox supports a ban on abortion, so is he copying the USA extreme wing of the Republican Party that wants to get "government off our backs" but firmly into the wombs of women who they regard as being unfit to decide for themselves what they do with their own bodies. "The TORIES never supported free nursing care in any case." a government spokesperson quite rightly pointed out. They are shit scared that once again, the Health Service is their Achilles' heel. When will the dumb fuckers get it? The overwhelming majority of the public supports the Health Service, and polls show that most would rather have no tax cut than a cut in such public services. If these idiots think they can fool people with such lying bullshit, then they are either taking too much medication, or perhaps not enough! The Blackrat is sick and tired of listening to their rubbish. DON'T FORGET TO VOTE!!! EVERY LAST VOTE? Ha Ha Ha! May 5th, 2001 again Furher von Vague finished his pathetic rally with the words "We must fight for every last vote." Ha ha ha! The bookies just gave Labour the best odds on winning a second term for any incumbent government in living memory, and Hague's personal rating is barely above 20%. Who is the delusional little fucker trying to fool? On the other hand, don't be too complacent, as a seriously low turnout could let the bastards in through the back door. I hate to be repetitive, but....Take a friend to the vote, check up on your elderly neighbours ( so long as you know they are Labour or Lib Dem) and offer to drive them to the vote if you have a car. Finish Hague and his scumbag party off once and for all. Crush the fuckers!!! Destroy, destroy!! Blackrat will be back....(for comments on Anne Widebum's visit to Helltown, go to my "Rat-Hole" page and check it out under "Helltown Notes.") Here's the link: http://communities.msn.co.uk/PoliticalSocialThinkTankRatHole/Homepage FROM BRAIN
CELLS TO May 1st, 2001 The boffins in the USA have come up with a way to make old rats with faulty memories as sharp as the younger ones. Stem cells from humans transplanted into their noggins and presto! The senile rodents were able to sprint around the mazes just as ably as their younger pals. So, I wonder if rat stem cells would work on people? Sorry folks, but the Blackrat needs his grey matter, and won't be donanting any, not even for the humans reading this site. Made me think though. What kind of cells could they use on Hague the Vague to clean out his dome? That's easy, a PADDED CELL !! And don't forget to throw the key away. Have no fear, the Blackrat will never "cell" out... (Scientific note, stem cells are undifferentiated cells, or in plain English ones that haven't specialised yet and in theory could be used to repair brain damage etc. See the BBC Homepage"Rat's Memory" for the full story. Here's a link for you http://www.bbc.co.uk/homepage ) WANNA BET? April 29th, 2001 Remember when Stuart "Three" Wheeler gambled 5 million of his money on a donation to the TORIES recently? He said there were no strings attached. Now, the Blackrat isn't a betting man, but I wish I had put some money on that turning out to be the load of bollocks I thought it would. Three TORIES just tabled amendments to a bill designed to ease the tax burden on business, and guess whose company would be helped out big time by this? The amendment involved a tax cut between 1% and 2% for betting companies, including IG index owned by Wheeler. Labour MP James Plaskett said "Same old TORIES, shows they have learned nothing in opposition and they still can't be trusted." Too fucking right. The Blackrat hopes the TORIES get a lousy hand at the upcoming electoral poker game, lose lots of deposits and find their parliamentary "deck" is even smaller next time around. I'll be back, you can bet on that... ASIAN TORY LEADER April 27th, 2001 That's one of the latest bits of rubbish to come dropping out of the mouth of the Vague Bald One. "The TORIES will be the first to elect an Asian leader!" he confidently predicted just the other day. That was about the same time that John Town"Arse"end made another of his racist outbursts. He took offense to Robin Cook's alledged comment that the English were a "Mongrel race" (I wonder if he read my rat dropping of a month or so back where I used that phrase, oh well Blackrats can dream too you know.) What's wrong with mongrels anyway, stronger than thoroughbreads don't you know? What Asian in his or her right mind would want to lead the TORIES in any case? Well, the field is pretty thin I'm afraid. Pol Pot might have been interested but he just popped his clogs in Cambodia, Idi Amin is missing presumed braindead, and he isn't Asian anyway. I suppose if the Afghans throw out the Taleban (dream on Rat) the TORIES could offer Bin Laden the post. They could even hire the Japanese TORY ex-prime minister Mr. Mori who was probably the most pathetic leader Japan ever had. He carried on golfing just recently when that American sub sank a Japanese fishing vessel much to everyone's disgust; before that he said something about "Japan being a divine nation of the Gods with the Emperor at its centre." Come to think of it, the TORIES could use that in their campaign with a little rewording. Oh shit, I hope I didn't give them any ideas. The Blackrat will return.... EMPTY HEADED DOME . . . FOR SALE . . . April 24th, 2001 What have we at Kick the TORIES been saying for the past nine months? Latest news says that the Dome is likely to remain empty until at least the year 2004, and finding a taker for it might prove harder than expected. I mean, who would want to be associated with someone like Hague anyway? Every time he opens his mouth out comes a load of empty rhetoric, and hollow promises at the same time pandering to racist sentiments and.... What was that? Oh, they were talking about the Millenium Dome! Oh shit, there goes my latest attempt to dig up a story! I suppose I should have twigged sooner in any case, Hague's dome will be empty for a lot longer than that. Hey there PY Gerbeau, you didn't get the Dome so why don't you buy Hague instead, and use him for an attack dog, or a draught excluder or something like that? (Or a rain barrel, after all he is said to be able to hold 14 pints) The Blackrat will be around well into the millenium, hopefully... NICE ONE Ms WIDEBUM April 23rd, 2001 I am not a happy rat tonight. Here I am, scouring the news stands and sites for something topical that is guaranteed to make the TORIES look like the bunch of utter prats they are, and Anne 'effing WiIdebum goes and steals my thunder. I mean, I am trying to show up TORY stupidity, extremist positions and the rest, and use humour to attack the bastards, and what does the blasted woman go and do? She beats me to it! I mean, first she gets chucked out of a Red Cross Centre in France, then she attacks the Commission for Racial Equality, and now she says the anti-racism pledge is "silly." SILLY!! What the fuck is silly about a promise not to use anti racist language while campaigning etc etc? Not that a fair number of TORIES would manage that I should think. Even her idiotic leader managed to hold his nose and sign the dotted line ( not that I imagine he really wanted to. ) Actually I don't think all TORIES are racist, I mean some of them are just plain selfish heartless bastards who to be fair are not racist, they hate all working class people equally, and want to keep the divisive society they helped create. But I digress. Anne Widebum will be the next TORY leader, lets face it, that is becoming increasingly a possibility. If she manages it, I might as well retire to some quiet corner of Helltown and smoke and drink myself to death, if I don't die laughing first. My work will be done for me. The Blackrat will be back, you can count on that........... AN UPDATE ON Yesterday's "United They Fall" Story April 21st, 2001 Latest figures show that 100% of Lib Dem MPs, 78% of Labour and only a pathetic 35% of the TORIES have signed the CREA's pledge not to indulge in racist rhetoric in the imminent General Election. With all outstanding Labour members expected to sign during the next few days, that will make Hague and Co Ltd look even more disgusting than usual, and how many more high profile TORIES will refuse to sign like Portillo, and that little dipshit who fed his baby daughter a hamburger in public to prove there was nothing to worry about during the Mad Cow outbreak a few years ago. What was that idiot's name? The Blackrat will sign in and serve up more of his rambling soon... UNITED THEY FALL April 20th, 2001 Mickey Portaloo and Hague the Vague made what is knows as a "Show of unity" down on the farm. Each denied that the other was a threat, or there was anything to divide them and the usual load of old codswallop. United they are indeed. United in being a pair of fucking idiots trying to hide their extreme views while appealing to their Stone Age supporters who want more of the red meat and less of the lentils. United too in being absolute lying shites without a shred of credibility between them. Hague refuses to sack the TORY whip who declined to sign the anti racism pledge. Then TORY "moderate" Vice Chair Steve "Lost in London" Norris defended this on the grounds it was their "belief in libetarianism." So what's that when it's at home, TORY spin doctor-speak for racism? They are also united in being about as unlikely ever to become Prime Minister as I am to vote for the TORIES!!! The Blackrat will unite behind some more stories soon... WEDDING BELLS April 17th 2001 - CongRATulations to my old school chum, KTT member Brown Chris who will be getting married in July. I'll definitely make it to your wedding, and from all the members of KTT Good luck and a long and happy life together - oh, and now your future mum-in-law is on the Internet, I expect we'll see you on the message boards once in a while (hopefully...) GHOST OF TORIES PAST? April 17th, 2001 Boo! Scared you did I? Well, seems like if you head up to Edinburgh Castle you'll encounter a few ghastly ghosties and ghouls down in the vaults. Paranormal researchers have found evidence of "anomalies such as dense spots and a green blob" and reckoned "quite a lot of the experiences reported were fairly extreme." One woman was nearly in tears after seeing a "flash of light in the corner." Fear not, the intrepid Blackrat and the "HagueBusters" at KTT have come up with a plausible explanation. It's the ghost of the Scottish Conservative Party ! It stands to reason. Think about it, dense patches, yes, plenty of them between the ears of TORIES north and south of the border, a "green blob" that must be the ghost of Malcom Rifkind still looking for his earthly seat in Westminster. As for the flash of light in the corner, that was probably Hague the Vague making yet another pathetic whistle stop tour trying to resurrect the corpse of Scots TORYISM, and the light was shining off his dome! Listening to his crap would reduce almost anyone to tears. Only one thing doesn't add up - some of the experiences being only "fairly extreme." The TORIES are extremely extreme and getting more so every day. Don't forget to vote, and take a friend with you to the polls!!! The Blackrat reckons the TORIES don't have the ghost of a chance at the next election.... HAGUE FOR THE CHOP April 14th. In answer to the question who would be the best Prime Minister? Hague's latest poll rating slipped four points to just 18.5% as against a similar rise to 50% for Blair. The knives are out and once June 7th is over and done with, he'll be axed. I hope Anne Widebum gets the TORY leadership as she scares the shit out of most people and would make the sods even less electable. Blackrat says see you all again soon.... BUNCH OF DOPES April 14th 2001, It's enough to send you round the bend, or drive you to drink maybe ! Looks like the boffins have come up with a way to stop cannabis from giving its users the "high" that comes from inhaling green baccy. A new drug can block the receptors in the brain, hence the effect of the dope is much less pronounced that usual, and worse news, it doesn't matter how much you smoke. The idea is that it stops people from getting addicted to cannabis, although most other experts deny that such a thing is possible. Speaking from personal experience, I can tell you that there is no way dope is addictive. Cigars and beer are far more difficult to keep off. I think the real reason is just more PC bullshit with the puritan powers that be decreeing that scientists must find a way to take away the simple pleasures of having a joint and getting silly once in a while. I used to smoke quite a lot of dope but I gave it up overnight about five years ago when I realised I didn't need it. Even so, you all know my views on cannabis ( see a few stories below) What is the point in living if they take away all the good things in life? Spoilsports! The Blackrat will go and have a nice cigar now, and then find out if the pub is open yet... ANNE WIDEBUM, KNOCK-OUT PIGS, (AND OTHER BEASTLY MATTERS) April 13th 2001 No doubt worried about letting any more diseased swine slobber all over the place, the French Red Cross Centre denied Anne Widebum entrance as you must already have heard. Who is surprised given that the old sow was only trying to snuffle out a few votes from the trough of TORY voters back home. Bet she thinks they're a load of miserable old "boars" eh? Cheer up Miss Piggy, help is at hand (er...at trotter?) Seems that up in Scotland, PPL Therepeutics PLC the creators of Dolly the cloned sheep have come up with gene spliced pigs. That's piggin' great! They even call some of them "Knock out pigs" with organs that it is thought will be suitable for transplants to humans without fear of rejection. If we can use the pigs as organ banks of spare parts, then maybe Anne Widebum could have one of the boars - for a husband! Fair exchange I say, we take the organs, the pigs get a new sister-in-law, unless they reject her (that wouldn't surprise me.) I bet they'd make a "knock - out" couple. The Blackrat will go and pig out at the usual place now as it's lunchtime... APPALING HAGUE April 11th, 2001 Hague the Vague's latest ride on the bandwagon deserves absolutely nothing but contempt. He was wringing his hands agonising over the "appaling suffering of the animals" on the farms. Since when did the little plonker care a toss about animal welfare? Maybe he will now try at least to be consistent and end his support for so called "Bloodsports." What the prick is really doing is trying to anticipate what the government will do in the crisis, announcing it as a policy statement, then claiming the credit once Blair and Co issue the latest proclamation whether it be for aid for farmers, or whatever. He hasn't a fucking clue. Hague called for more help for farmers, interest-free loans, a permanent cut in rates. Yeah, ok, sounds good on paper, but hold the fucking bus while I get on here! Why do only the farmers deserve such privledged treatment? What about the poorer areas of the UK, such as parts of the North or of Scotland, or Helltown for that matter! I actually agree with helping the farmers, and other rural businesses hit by the crisis out as much as possible, but it is a disgrace that Hague can spout this shite when his party never once did a thing for working people their policies relegated to the scrapheap when they were in power, except tell them to get on their bikes and look for work. The Blackrat wishes appauling electoral suffering for the TORIES in June, and no help at all for Hague when he loses his job...! WASTEFUL TORY PRICKS April 8th 2001, How about this for an example of the idiocy of the TORIES when they actually have power? In Essex, it is said that the local property prices are way too high for teachers to afford on their salaries, hence the schools are experiencing a chronic lack of teaching staff. Meanwhile, the Essex County Council, TORY controlled, has opened an office in Brussels to encourage what it calls "trade links." I would assume that the local businesses have already managed to do that pretty effectively since Essex has one of the lowest unemployment rates in the country. What the fuck is the County Council wasting its money for, unless to send its members over to check out the cafe's and bars of Belgium's capital? How many teachers could be hired using money these pricks are wasting on such window dressing as a Euro office? Or be given a housing supplement in their pay packets so they can afford to live locally? I thought Hague's lot were supposed to be anti- Europe anyway. Just one more reason to kick the TORIES again in June. The Blackrat will return.... ONLY A "BIT"? April 8th, 2001 Looks like Labour's Kim Howells has raised a few howls (ouch!) of protest with his comment that the Royals are all "a bit bonkers." In fact, the South Wales MP has refused to comment further. Probably for the best since I don't think he knows what he is talking about. What does he mean by "only a bit?" That's our famous Great British understatement for you! The Royals are totally and completely crackers, around the bend, fruit and nut cases, and that's the effing truth of it. Look at them all, Charles goes on his Don Quixote crusades about whatever it is this week that has caught his limited attention span. Their marriages are dysfunctional (apparently Edward and Sophie sleep in seperate rooms now) Prince Phillip is the patron of the World Wildlife Fund and the RSPB, and yet he finds pleasure in blowing the heads off little animals and calling it sport. They are all into bloodsports. Nobody who is completely sane can enjoy killing things. What gets me though is how the public buy this horseshit, be it the latest gaffe from Prince Phil or Sophie and her "sheikh-down." Why are so many people fascinated by the doings of these pathetic people? I echo the sentiments of whoever it was that said recently "I can't see the attraction of the monarchy?" In any case, aren't there already enough soap operas on the goggle box. LET'S HAVE A REPUBLIC INSTEAD. The Blackrat must go now and find out who really did shoot Phil (From "Eastenders" not HRH his Royal Highness the Prince - Anyone care to? ) Well Done Dennis! April 7th, 2001 Dennis Skinner in the Commons called for the army to take over the TORY Party since it was totally unable to run itself. It raised a hell of a laugh. Does that mean that our lads and lasses will be taking all those diseased carcasses out to a designated site and burning them all before they infect everyone with their stupidity? Dennis will be sorely missed when he leaves the house this June. The Blackrat can recyle old jokes with the best of them.... SHORT BUT SWEET April 7th 2001, Following my abortive attempts to update "Recent Stories" I'll have a go on this page. Just a couple of little factoids to cheer the readers and piss off the TORIES (that's what I'm here for) Good Housekeeping magazine just came out with a poll of voting intentions of its mostly female readers. 29% backed Labour, and only 13% the TORIES, barely ahead of the Lib Dems on 9%. Looks like there's more trouble cooking up for Hague and Co. The ratio of students to teachers has fallen for the first time in a decade. The best news came from infant schools, where the number of classes with more than 30 members fell from 29% in 1997 to just 2% now. The TORIES accused Labour of fiddling the figures, so where does that leave them and their crappy budget proposals? Go to the bottom of the class Hague, and write a hundred lines, "I am a baldy prat with fascist cravings" go on, get a move on boy !!!! The Blackrat will have another "drinking lesson" tonight (Saturday) PS, I had the lesson and now (Sunday) I am studying my hangover................ SOMEBODY GET A GUN! and put Hague out of his misery! April 5th, 2001 I've been so busy with my other site (he can't resist plugging it can he!!) that I nearly missed this one. Hague first called for the army to take over the slaughter programme, then shot himself in the dome by criticising a senior army officer (see "Recent Stories" for more details) What gets me is that Hague was only just now whimpering on about bringing in the army to take over, ignoring the fact that the army themselves said that while they were happy to be of assistance, they lacked the experience or knowledge to run the show themselves. Somebody borrow a gun and blow a hole in his dome will you, please... And anyway, is Hague's hankering for the army to run things merely a Freudian slip, or a foretaste of the dictatorship he would so obviously like to set up if he ever managed to become Fuhrer, or sorry, I mean Prime Minister? The Blackrat will "soldier" on with this another day...... LET'S PUT AN END TO FOOT-IN-MOUTH NOW! April 3rd, 2001 Some of these tossers who have the nerve to regard themselves as serious alternatives to Labour as a government are still whining on about postponing the election date even further. The Blessed Tony has already put the date of the locals and presumably the general election back to June. What more do these pathetic wankers want? Only today, I read that a soon to be released report from Maff will show that in the worst affected area, being Cumbria, it appears that the situation is actually improving. Well, the Blackrat with tongue firmly in cheek has the perfect solution that should keep "Whining Willie" and all the rest of the plonkers happy. Postpone the general election until June of 2007! Let's face it, the result of (May or June) this year is already pretty much a fucking foregone conclusion so lets just pretend that it's all over. Save the money, spend it on helping out a few farmers, give it to charity, whatever. Hague should be happy, since it will mean he can stay as HM Leader of the Op-piss-ition for six more ineffectual years, at least five years and about eight months longer than he would have left if his pitiful party were to face the electorate as planned and get the fucking good kicking the polls all suggest it will. LibDem leader Kennedy should also be satisfied, as he will still have 47 MPs, and the polls show he could well lose a few seats in the upcoming election. Then it will give Tony & Co six years to get things straight, and if they can't do it by then, they will be the ones who deserve to be whacked in the goolies. The
Blackrat will return to haunt these pages again soon........... BLAIR THE STATESMAN? April 2nd, 2001 Ok, so I'm not the world's number one fan of the Blessed Tony, but let's face it, what is the alternative? "A slaphead with a squeaky voice" said KTT member (M)Andyhull, and who can argue with that? Lot's of his detractors dump on Blair calling him authoritarian, or a dictator and so on. So first, he delays the planned innoculation against foot and mouth due it seems to misgivings from farmers. At a meeting in Cumbria, several people came to give him shit, but went away impressed. No sooner did somebody raise a grievance, than he simply said "make it so number two" like in Star Trek. Here is a man proving he is willing (sometimes) to listen. Then the election day. Putting it off for a month to focus on getting the outbreak of f&m under control is statesmanlike in my book, putting the country before short term electoral gain. Contrast that with the TORIES who are going ahead with a by-election in fucking Cumbria of all places just so they can try and steal a seat off the Lib Dems two weeks before the Council Elections. If those are also put back to June, won't Hague's lot look like a bunch of fucking planks.........again. The Blackrat will return.... ANOTHER ONE JUMPS MARCH 30th, 2001 From "told you so" to "deja vu". I seem to have written this before somewhere or other. Ceri Evans, who was Hague the Bald/Vague's "Director of Presentation" in 1999 (no wonder he quit, how can anyone make that little oik presentable?) has dumped the TORIES and now wants a Labour Membership card. He claimed that there was an "unpleasant core" of attitudes on race and homosexuality in the TORY Party, and that they were unwilling or unable to reform. Unpleasant core? Ceri, old fruit, the TORY Party is rotten to the core, it is a piece of putrid vegetable matter well past its sell by date that needs slinging on the compost heap where it might finally be of some use to the world. Some people might be happy that Mr. Evans has defected, but me, I just worry that the Labour Party is becoming so right wing that almost anyone is increasingly at home there. What next? Will Heseltine and Clarke sign up? The Blackrat won't be joining any parties except for a piss-up tonight... GETTING ON TRACK? March 30th, 2001 I really hate it when people come out with the phrase "I told you so" but here I am with no alternative but to say, ahem...I told you so. I was calling for the imbeciles at Railtrack to be relieved of their control of the railways months ago. Guess what? Along comes the slow train full of a parliamentary committee of MPs calling for, yes you've guessed it....... Citing Railtrack's "poor record" they questioned why millions of pounds of public funds should be shunted into the bailing out of these incompetents without any say by the not very Fat Controllers in Parliament as to how it is (mis)run. Too fucking right, but why could a hack writer of my lowly powers figure out so quickly what it has taken all those clever folks up in the big Signal Box on the Thames so long to conclude? The Blackrat will train his attention on more TORY nonsense again soon... A TRUE BLUE TORY March 28th, 2001 Well, off comes the mask, we see the monster for what it really is, and it is reeeeeeely ugly! No, I haven't been indulging my love of splatter films again, just reacting to John Townend, the (thankfully) soon to be retiring TORY MP who came out with that vile speech just the other day. He said "Commonwealth immigrants undermine our homogenous Anglo-Saxon society" and some other drivel too contemptuous to comment on. Of course Wilhelm Von Hague and the rest of his pathetic troops turned on one of their own to condemn him. But lets face it, this is the real face of the TORY party. Ugly, racist and reactionary. Hague's speech on race (see my reponse to that "Common Nonsense" March 15th a few stories below if you like) was utterly disgusting, and then some. Hague is the real culprit, pandering to racist elements both within and outside his party. Don't forget, dump the fuckers even further in the shit on May 3rd (or whenever the election is held) The Blackrat will be back........... SO FUCKING WHAT? March 27th, 2001 So three lads from the pop group S Club 7 got caught smoking a bit of happy baccy and there's this great big outcry about how they let their fans down and so on. Give me a fucking break! Music and chemical stimulants of one kind or another have gone hand in hand since the beginning. When Screamin' Jay Hawkins recorded his "You Put a Spell on Me" back in the 50s he was so drunk he didn't remember even having being in the studio the next day ! Jimi Hendrix and Janis Joplin both died from heroin use. Then in the seventies, we had good old Sid Vicious licking toilet bowls and shooting up on H. David Bowie was widely presumed to be coked up to the eyeballs on his "Thin White Duke" tour, and we all know about Lou Reed. Even Shakespeare is believed to have been a dope smoker (they found his pipe apparently!) So what's the big deal? If the trio of popsters had been caught drunk, or having a ciggy then I doubt it would have made many waves, and yet most experts agree that tobacco is at least as harmful as cannabis, and probably a lot more so. Alcohol is one drug that is wholly legal and promoted on TV and also the one that makes some folk really violent. I have yet to hear of anyone starting a fight on cannabis. Alcohol causes far more health problems and is the reason for a large percentage of the aggro on Friday and Saturday nights. No, of course I am not calling for a ban on alcohol. I will leave such nonsense for the nutters on the Far Right Site to debate. What we do need though is a little more honesty and a little less bullshit on the subject of drugs. Decriminalising posession of small amounts of dope would be the answer, it works in Holland, and it would work here. The Blackrat (who gave up soft drugs years ago) will leave you now to go and have a nice cigar on the porch before Mrs. Rat gets back. H for HAGUE H for HYPOCRITE March 26th, 2001 Lots of people have already pointed out that the 1945 General Election was held under far more arduous conditions than we have at present with the continuing devestation of foot and mouth. Back then, for one there was no telephone canvassing (maybe not such a bad thing!) Even so, the Blackrat admits that there might be a case for postponing local elections in Dorset and Cumbria for a couple of months if experts think it would help bring the foot and mouth under control. However, nothing short of an enema bag full of sheep dip up his shit shute is going to get Hague the Vague to stop his outbreaks of foot in mouth. Why can't the poor little fool get it? First he calls for postponing the local elections. Now TORIES in Cumbria have called a council by-election for April 19th, just two weeks before the presumed date of both the Local and General Elections, right slap bang in the middle of one of the most seriously affected areas. He accused Blair of cut and run, but what is this but a barefaced attempt to snatch a seat off the Lib Dems just 14 days before the big one. Now who is putting party politics ahead of the best interests of the very rural electors he is trying to impress with his posturing? Hague's not just stupid, but holds democratic values in contempt. For pity's sake somebody get the shotgun and lets put this one down before it infects any more of its kind with its brain rotting nonsense. The Blackrat urges everyone to REMEMBER TO VOTE ! I CAN'T GET A HANDLE ON IT ANYMORE ! March 25th, 2001 It's enough to make us all cry into our beer. Seems that with the closure of the last factory that makes them in St Helens, those dimpled beer glasses with handles that we all used as teenage and underage drinkers are set to dissappear from the pub. The smooth pint glass has been gaining in popularity for years, and there are fewer takers for the "jug" than of old. As if foot and mouth disease, the rotten weather, Hague the Vague and my hangover this morning weren't enough, now we are losing yet one more old English tradition (why do we always lose the good stuff and keep the crap?) Dimpled glasses have only been around since the 1920s, and I can't remember the last time I had a pint in one anyway, but I for one will miss them. The Blackrat says "cheers" and see you again soon..... CATHOLIC CHURCH UP TO ITS DIRTY OLD TRICKS AGAIN MARCH 24th 2001 Well, well, seems like those that don't (or aren't supposed to) get none, go for the nuns, then try to sweep it all under the carpet. According to a leaked document that CAFOD (Catholic Assn For Overseas Development) didn't want made public, priests and missionaries all over the globe have been routinely forcing nuns to have sexual relations with them. CAFOD showed this report to the Vatican seven years ago, but surprise surprise, it got dumped in the circular filing cabinet.
All this goes to show that the Catholic Church is another rotten carcass badly in need of burning. In a case of "Spin Pope-ing"(?) they added some whine about "Missionaries (who) work in situations of extreme psychological and physical hardship." Who the fuck is that supposed to impress? If they have nothing better to do than trapse about the world trying to prove that they are superior to everyone else with their religion, the least they could do would be to try and live up to the restrictions they place on their own followers and converts within the Church. Priests and Popes may carp on about the evils of abortion and extra-marital sex, but we can all see through that for the load of bollocks that it really is. The Blackrat says to hell with the lot of them! WAKE UP CALL...NOT MARCH 21st, 2001 Just got this little snippet courtesy of Mother Rat from down in the depths of Somerset. The TORIES carp on about cutting out waste, one way for them to make their nonsensical budget plans "balance." Well, how about this? It appears that thousands of pounds are being squandered on replying to private nursing homes that are making 999 calls to the ambulence service in order to "pick elderly people up who have fallen over, or got stuck on the loo because they don't have the trained staff." If only the local service has recorded over a thousand of these calls in the past year, then what the fuck is the national total? I wonder how come it is that the TORIES don't object to this kind of waste?Could it be that it undermines the whole case for private medicine yet again. Let me tell you, twenty years ago, I worked in a National Health hospital for long term residental senior citizens. The techniques for lifting those who have fallen can be taught in a day. Shit! I was only a cleaner at the time but the nurses sometimes got me to help and they certainly knew their onions. They can easily show someone how to assist with lifting a patient. What are the private nursing homes employing, fucking waitresses for christsakes ?! Private hospitals are notorious for screwing up operations and then having to go with their tail between their legs begging a "real" NHS hospital to help them clean up the fucking mess they have made of someone. Wasting ambulance workers time on these calls costs lives, and is one more piece of proof, as if we ever needed it that when profit comes first, the well-being of the "patient" comes a distant second. The Blackrat calls on everyone to make sure the TORY fuckers stay kicked on May 3rd. DON'T FORGET TO VOTE ! EXTINCTION OF AN ENTIRE NATION MARCH 20th 2001 For a change, let's look beyond our borders, and get a little bit serious here. We all know about the extinction of animal species, but the extinction of a whole nation? That, according to an official from the South African nation of Botswana (pop 1.6 million) is what that country faces within five years. More than one third of adults are infected with aids, the life expectancy of the country has fallen to just 44 years, and will soon sink to just 29 years at this rate. Let's be frank, to most of us, Botswana is only a name on a map, one that we might remember from the international section of a newspaper, and that's about it. A better known country is of course neighbouring South Africa which has its own swelling ranks of Aids victims. Overall, 25 million people in Sub-Sarahan Africa are infected with AIDS. There are of course drugs such as AZT that can slow its ravages, but these are normally very expensive. Now an alliance of 39 powerful pharmaceutical firms is going to court to try and prevent smaller rival companies in South Africa from marketing far cheaper (but apparently just as effective) generic anti-AIDS drugs for South Africa's estimated 4.2 million AIDS sufferers. George Wa*ker Bush in his first act as incoming president cut off all US assistance to any family planning organisation that also offers abortion as an option. This was supposedly done to placate the ultra-right religious bigots who helped elect the bastard in the first place, and those are the ones who claim to be "pro life." It would be funny if it weren't so tragic. Groups who now have to cope with a cut off in US funding include some of those that distribute condoms in third world countries such as in Africa. It's reckoned that 90% of sex industry workers in Botswana and a similar number in some parts of South Africa are HIV or AIDS positive. I wish there were some way that moronic piece of slime infesting the White House could be reading this, as I would like to tell him to his dumb ugly face that his "compassionate conservatism" is one factor causing the genocide of entire peoples in some parts of the world that he has doubtlessly never heard of, and even if he had wouldn't give a flying fuck about. The Blackrat will return to more frivilous topics soon, but I just wanted to share that story with you all that I came across while reading the paper in the pub the other night..... THEME SONG FOR ELECTORAL SLAUGHTER MARCH 18th Just read that veteran tunesmith Mike Batt has been signed up by the batty TORIES to write them an election ditty. Well, the Lib Dems have some classical piece or other, and Labour had "Things Can Only Get Better" ( or whatever it was called ) in 1997. Seems the working title of this little masterpiece is "Heartland." Strange title for the party that has precious little hope of breaking out of its heartland strongholds, and even less in the way of a heart. Well, the man who gave us pop classics like "Remember you're a Womble" should let the Blackrat have a go. To the tune of the Womble's classic that I am old enough to remember fondly "Remember You're a Womble" (circa 1973) " When you're way down in the polls, and there's nothing you can do When you're as popular as anthrax, there's no need to feel blue Remember you're a fascist, remember you're a fascist, Remember member member's of UKIP and BNP love you true. (Oh yes they do be do be do........" Oh, all right I admit it's not exactly Bob Dylan but lets face it, I know I'm no songwriter, but does anyone besides Hague himself really think he is a credible prime minister-in-waiting ? The Blackrat will sing more of his off-key stuff for you soon......... THE VIRGIN AND YOB CULTURE MARCH 17th Good old Gerald Kauffman has tabled a bill calling for Anne Widebum and three other TORY louts to be banned from the house for three days. Seems that they didn't like the way the committee on the Criminal Justice Bill was going so they occupied seats reserved for the members and refused to budge. ( and looking at the size of her arse, I'm not surprised they couldn't shift her! ) I have my misgivings about some aspects of the bill, but Widebum's tactics deserve swift and sure retribution. Never forget, you might bleat on about the Government being a dictatorship Ms. Widebum, but remember just how dictatorial your lot were in power. The increasingly distasteful drivel coming out of the TORIES very own Millennium Dome - Hague the Vague makes it vital that these yobs are driven even further from ever being able to take power or this country really will become a "foreign land." The Blackrat says "Get a life Widebum" TORY yobs are unwelcome here... WHO'S SPINNING NOW? MARCH 15th Who could be unhappy with the latest drop in unemployment? Now it's down to just under a million, and 3.4% for the first time since 1975. Even if we go by the ILO figures, that's 5.1% or about 1.5 million. Of course there are "clouds on the horizon" such as the continued slide in manufacturing jobs. The TORIES shadow spokesperson on employment, Theresa May said "The speed unemployment is falling has fallen in the past four years. We should get people into jobs faster." FUCK ME ! Am I missing something here? Who's got a terminal case of the spin doctors now? Of course the speed of the fall has slowed, it's already so fucking low now that a more gradual fall is inevitable. It's a lot better than "boom and bust" isn't it? The New Deal has taken 270,000 people off the unemployment registers, and The TORIES want to scrap it?? Ms. May, your bastard party had 18 years to screw with the economy, and added a hundred thousand miners to the dole queues. How was that getting people into jobs? Fuck off Ms May, and may you lose your seat come May 3rd (I hope) The Blackrat may be back soon, come what may..... ST GEORGE AND THE TORY FAR RIGHT March 14th Oh, did you like my piece on the "Latest Stories" page? I thought it would be better off there. A thought occured to me while I was having a laugh reading some tripe on the "Far Right Wing Site" which for those of you who don't know is a fascistic site run by a few rather infantile TORIES who have really gone off the deep end. They use the symbol of St. George and the flag of England a lot. Now what is it about this that prompted me to write today? A sense of irony, that's what. That and a few facts and figures that you might find useful to wind up any passing TORIES with should they come out with any of that St. George patriotic crap. As you probably know, the historical St. George was tortured and put to death by the Romans for protesting the persecution of fellow Christians. The "St. George and the Dragon" myth is nothing more than a retelling of the old Greek ledgend of Perseus slaying the sea monster, innit ? He is also the patron saint of Portugal by the way, busy chap our George. Furthermore, George never came anywhere near Britain, nor could he speak a word of English. It is highly likely that he never even heard of the place ! Yes, the simple unvarnished truth is that he was a fucking FOREIGNER you pathetic right wing turds ! THE Blackrat will return to regale you with more useless crap next time... SERVES THEM RIGHT! MARCH 11th Serves who right? Llin Golding and Kate Hooey thats who. It seems that both have been given police protection after it became known that they are on a "hit list" of MPs that various animal rights militants want to duff up. I don't usually lay into Labour MPS, not on this page, but these two make me fucking sick! Golding is the chair of the "Middle Way" group in Parliament who want to "licence" foxhunting, or in other words, let it carry on with some feeble regulations. Nobody thinks for one second this would prevent the perverts who enjoy killing for fun from continuing with their revolting fancy dress party. What is either of these two doing in the Parliamentary Labour Party anyway? With their views, I should think they would be more comfortable rubbing shoulders with Willie Boy Hague and his shithead cohorts. Let it be known that I don't condone violence such as that perpetrated by some of the more extreme animal rights groups, but I understand the frustration and outrage that many of them feel. Perhaps Hooey and Golding will get a taste of what it's like to be a hunted animal, and maybe rethink their support for cruel "sports." (although I doubt that somehow) Once again, the Blackrat says "Serves you fucking right"..... LITTER &
UNWANTED SEASIDE March 9th "OH I do like to be beside the seaside"........But not if I have to wait around for my donkey ride with the likes of asses such as Hague and Co who descended on Plymouth to reveal their seaside renewal plan. Sand inside a machine can fuck up the works, so maybe Hague's got some stone-sized pieces lodged inside his dome. Their plan claims to be a means to regenerate seaside towns, but focuses mainly on asylum seekers (i.e no more being housed by the sea) litter, and unwanted travellers being banned. In other words, a load of smoke and mirrors designed to deflect attention away from the fact that the TORIES have lost. Lost their minds, lost the next election and lost any shred of credibility. Besides THE STIRRER and my good(?) self, I know at least three other members of KTT live by the sea. OY HAGUE ! Like John Prescott said, it's jobs, the economy and the level of public services.....stupid ! On one thing I agree with Hague & Co though, there are unwanted travellers, but they are none other than the TORY Party themselves wandering aimlessly around looking for votes and bandwagons to jump on; the litter is the rubbish policy statements they keep scattering in the wind. The Blackrat says he knows a place where Hague can shove his stick of seaside rock..... WHOSE THE CYNICAL ONE NOW? March 8th Well, from what I read of the budget it seems to have its good points and some not so good. They could have cut the price of ciggies for example. Hague
the Vague has the gall to call it a "cynical budget"
and accuse Chancellor of the Exchequor Brown of "duping"
Labour MPS. After that load of racist horseshite he was
spewing at his pathetic party conference last week,
I am sure I don't know which is sadder : this little
idiot seriously thinking that he can win an election or that
he seriously believes all that crap he came out
with ( see below Has his egg-like dome head finally cracked? As the STIRRER suggests, I think we could use the services of a couple of doctors and a magistrate to sort Hague's problems out for him. The Blackrat will have to pay 6p more for smokes from tomorrow, but that won't stop him attacking TORY idiocy....(Hey Stirrer, got a light?) Common (non) sense..or Here comes the Brown-Shirt Hague Brigade March 5th Right, that's yer lot Hague, no more Mr. Nice Rat ! I have had just enough of listening to your shite over the past three years or so. So Labour will make Britain into a "foreign land" and the TORIES will "give you back your country" will they? Labour wants "a different people" WHAT A LOAD OF... BOLLOCKS ! A Foreign Land : hmmm. That's strange, Britain has been absorbing wave after wave of immigrants since the Romans and before. WE ARE A MONGREL PEOPLE ! When the Romans pulled out in 410 AD, it seems reasonable to assume a fair few stayed behind and intermarried with the locals. Then what about the hordes of Anglo Saxons who took over most of England, and the Jutes and Angles? Or the Normans, look at our fucking language for pitys sake! Half of the words commonly used in any typical sample of daily conversation come from the language of the Anglo-Saxons (yeah, German to you Billy Boy). Stirrer and Blackrat's home of East Sussex, the word "Sussex" is a corruption of "Sud Saxe" or "South-Saxons" and where the fuck did the word originate Hague? In Saxony, Germany of course. There's also "Essex" or "East Saxons" "Wessex" and so on. Then what about the Normans, what were they but descendents of Vikings (NOR-Mans from "Nord" - North or Norse-men.) They had settled in France and adopted the language and customs of their hosts. Immigrant descendants of invaders (or something like that) A good proportion of the remainder of commonly used words in English come from Norman French. Our language is a fucking hybrid of Old High German and Norman French (a dialect of French) with hardly anything left from the original Britons, who were a thick bunch of bastards forever fighting one tribe against another. It was only the arrival of the Romans that forced them to unite, and even then they got a kicking. We have been a melting pot for the past two thousand years, it was just that until comparatively recently most of those entering the country were racially pretty similar. Everyone knows this Billy, I'm not revealing some great hidden truth to the world. You know these facts as well as I do ! So why are you spouting such poison ? Different People? More crap. Like I just said, Britain has been absorbing other races for most of recorded history. According to Bill Bryson in "Mother Tongue" during the 18th century in London there was a sizeable community of "Anglo Africans" (for want of a better term) Most were slaves who had been freed, or the descendents of same, but by the end of the 19th century they had largely dissappeared, no, not repatriated by 19th Century TORIES, HAGUE but absorbed into the larger white population by intermarriage. I wonder how many BNP members have at least one black ancestor? In fact, Britain's population is projected to fall by at least 9% in the next fifty years, and that would mean that accepting an additional 100,000 immigrants and or refugees a year would still leave us with one million less people by the year 2050. The figures are even higher for other European countries such as Italy, Spain and Germany. OUR MONEY ? Don't talk to me about melting down our money, your party scrapped the old pounds shillings and pence, TORIES are just as ready to bulldoze over tradition when it suits them. In short Hague, your speech was filth. You appeal to the lowest xenophobic instincts and ignore the truth of history and the evidence all around you. Enoch Powell's rivers of blood never happened, and never will. Even our "beloved" Royal Family changed its name to Windsor from Saxe-Coburg (yes Willy, the fookin Jormans, innit) Numerous foreign princes and princesses have intermarried with our "pure British" monarchy, which can trace its lineage back to (oh heck, this is getting monotonous ) the Normans of course. Where does that reactionary decrepid oxygen thief Prince Phillip come from then? He was a penniless refugee from Greece who had to give up his claim to the throne of his old country in order to become the consort to Liz. Yes, and what about your pal Micky Portaloo Per favore? Where would he be if his father hadn't fled Franco's fascism and been allowed to settle in the UK? (Oops, that's probably an argument against allowing refugees in but let's forget that one shall we?) The Blackrat says Oswald Mosely failed in the 30s, and so will Brown Shit-Shirt Hague. BE A LERT March 3rd Be alert, Britain needs lerts, remember the old Christmas cracker joke? Well, from Xmas crackers to party crackers, TORY Party crackers that is. Hague said "Be alert" to his pathetic little gang at their gathering yesterday. Well, Billy Boy, according to my Christmas cracker joke Britain needs lerts, it seems, but as sure as shit stinks it don't need you and your bunch of far right boot-boy jerks... The Blackrat is always alert anyway, most of the time... MORE TORY BRIBES March 3rd OK, so you're an extremist party with no hope of winning power, and along comes another extremist party with no hope of winning power offering you a monetary incentive to stand aside at the next election. That's about what seems to be going on between the UKIP and the TORIES at the moment. A TORY peer has established a 2 million pound fund to try and pay off UKIP candidates thinking of standing against 30 TORY MPs in marginal seats at the next election. Hague the Vague bleated "We will not enter into special deals with anyone" but we all know what this is, just the TORIES getting "back to basics" the basics of bribery that is. Why don't they save their money, just merge the two parties since there isn't much difference between them anyway? Well, the Blackrat ain't for sale, and will keep hammering away at the bastards... OUT FOXED? MARCH 1st Good to see the hunting bill passed again by Parliament. Some TORIES and other apologists for cruelty objected, saying this is inappropriate during the current crisis facing the countryside. To them I say bullshit! Foxhunting, indeed all hunting has been "suspended" during the foot and mouth outbreak. Why? Well, it is a factor in spreading disease they say So clearly, this is yet another reason for a permanent ban. If loads of half- wild bloodcrazed dogs (and the four-footed ones running alonside those on horseback) are helping spread disease, then this is a sure way to eliminate one risk to further outbreaks, and rid the countryside of this disgusting sideshow at the same time. The Blackrat will keep hounding the TORY turds for the forseeable future.... FOOT IN MOUTH PART 2 FEB 27th Make your fucking minds up ! First the TORIES offer to "fully support the steps taken by the government" over their attempts to reign in the outbreak of foot and mouth disease, as Tim Yeo the TORY shadow cabinet member said on one hand. Then these same idiots called for a parliamentary debate. Huh? For what conceivable reason do they regard one as being necessary when they had just agreed to support Labour's swift and decisive moves to eradicate the disease? Why waste valuable time and resources when they just said they back what the government is doing? They are the ones whose brains seem to be rotting on their stems. It was also Yeo who called for farmers to claim 200 million quid in agro-cash from the EU. Funny isn't it? The TORIES are always happy to knock Euro-anything when it suits them, but only too happy to go begging cap in hand when things go wrong. The Blackrat reckons there are other diseased carcasses that need to be taken out and burnt before they infect others with their terminal stupidity.... MAJOR DISASTER'S FEB 27th From Portaloo to the TORIES Waterloo, or their leader at the time John "Major Disaster" and the revelation that he made eleven trips abroad for the purpose of speaking tours last year and has yet to declare any of the earnings. So dubious is this that he has now been ordered to come clean. I mean he's in Kuwait right now, and the last person I know who went there without being paid was Saddam Hussain ! I
will update this story as it unfolds. More proof that the
only good TORY is a sleazy shite such as....................... Please
Read On MICKY PORTALOO - OIL SLICK ALERT FEB 26th Shiver me timbers, look what's been happening while I was drinking my 14th pint of real ale. One of the loudest critics of Mandelson and Keith Vaz was none other than Shadow chancellor Mickey Portaloo, who really hauled them over the coals while trying to appear whiter than white himself. Now the shoe's on the other foot slimeball, 'cos you're the one facing calls from the other parties to resign. Well, it seems the bastard just screwed up - big time! He's been a consultant for an oil company Kerr-McGee North Sea (oh, that rhymes nicely doesn't it?) On and off for the last twenty years or so. Well, the 5 to 10,000 quid he declared as annual earnings from that source appears to be "only a fraction of the real amount of his income" from being oiled up by the oilmen. Oy dickhead! Next time you run out of hair oil go to Boots the Chemists like anyone else. Oh and while you're at it, don't go smearing hard working MPs like Keith Vaz either. He's worth ten or more shites like you. The Blackrat says "Oil be back soon..." EVICT THE TORIES Feb 25th Here we go with more shit from the TORIES. From one extreme to the other, now they want to abolish council housing altogether, and transfer all remaining properties to the private sector or to community housing associations. All this is intended to fill some of that 8 billion hole they have in their ludicrous budget proposals. Slum landlords take note, your time is coming. Let's be honest, a lot of council houses aren't exactly the ritz, but these proposals will only strengthen the hand of unscrupulous shithead landlords who do not take their responsibility seriously. Admittedly some community housing associations are ok, my cousin Ivor for example lives in a council property where the local association has helped install double glazing and a new bathroom for him, but for every good one, there's bound to be several crappy associations answerable to nobody. Once again, it's the clapped out old TORY bullshit of flogging something off and then blaming it on someone else when things go wrong. Just one more reason to evict even more TORIES from their seats and make the bastards homeless on May 3rd. The Blackrat will "home" in on more TORY shite in the near future. MORE FOOT IN MOUTH DISEASE Feb 23rd My sympathies to all the farmers who are worried shitless at present. Even the NFU President accepted that the ban on exports of live animals, milk and meat was "a devastating but necessiary evil." The government has moved swiftly to do all in its power to get this out-break under control in my opinion. Contrast that with the procrastinating and bullshit of the TORY swine when the fuckers were in power over Mad Cow Disease. Had they acted as swiftly the problem might have been far less widespread than now. Further proof if ever we needed it that the TORIES are not fit for government now, or ever ...........AND WHILE YOU'RE ALL HERE... Also Feb 23rd POST SCRIPT Anyone out there know how to repair a bullshit detector? Mine just blew a fuse and shot sparks all across the room. Why was that? I was listening to the outbreak of foot in mouth disease that Porky Pie Hague and his 'boar'ing lot of porkers have been serving up to the public in the past couple of weeks, that's why, and I left the blasted thing switched on. There's only so much crap you can take before you feel like kicking the TV screen in, or going off to a pub and downing 14 real pints of real beer. The Blackrat will be off his head drunk by the time you read this... HAGUE'S WAR ON WORKING WOMEN FEB 23rd Hague the Vague now wants to stop women from working outside the home. The latest nonsense from the TORIES concerns offering a tax break of about 1,000 quid to one partner of a married couple if the other elects to stay home and raise the kids. What this means in practice is that the TORIES have been exposed yet again, this time as sexist reactionaries. They aim to send working women back into the home and re-create the (for them) idyllic world of the early fifties where the housewife slaved away in her nice clean kitchen and only left the house to go shopping (or play bingo if she was working class) Question for Ffion Hague : Does your useless husband help with the housework? If not, next time tell him it's his turn to take out the rubbish, and while he's at it he should dump himself and his policies in a large skip for the council to take away. The Blackrat must go now, as there's a pile of dirty dishes in the sink, and Mrs. Rat is at work........... N.H.S. = Not Honest Soundbites? Feb 20th Well well, first we have the Labour Party trying to claim they are the party of the family, then Dr Liam Fox's latest bullshit along the lines of "The NHS is safe in our hands" and so on. Come to think of it, the Labour Party is the party of the family since helping create a sound economy with real jobs is a sure fire way to make families more secure, now don't you think.(Just to prove spin doctoring isn't dead.) On the other hand, Fox man is really trying to reinvent hypocrisy on a grand scale. He claims the Health Service would be free on demand, or some such phrase under the TORIES. Pull the other one! The level of cuts you are proposing would make the NHS into a skeleton service just to provide minimal care for the poorer among us. Fox admits the TORIES would encourage development of a stronger private medicine sector and made the telling statement that the NHS couldn't be expected to do everything. Not under the TORIES it couldn't, on that point he is at least being honest. It's the same old crap about a two-tier healthcare system along the lines of the USA model : a minimal provision for the poorest segment of society, with quality healthcare in the hands of greedy money grubbers who "check your wallet before they check your pulse" ( That's an old American saying apparently.) Better check yourself into a psychiatric ward, Dr. F, since you are clearly delusional if you think people will buy this horse shit. The Blackrat wishes every illness and misfortune on the TORIES in the upcoming election.............. RETRO-POLITICS RULES! Feb 17th The more things change, the more they stay the same. Ten years ago George Bush was busy bombing the Iraqis back into the stone age with a compliant Britain tagging along. Ten years on, Bush (son of) is trying to deflect attention from his sagging economy, and the mounting evidence that the (s)election of 2000 was a stitch-up. No surprises there, but why is Blair going along with the extremist fucker in the Whitehouse? He has nothing to gain from sucking up to this foul creature, and everything to lose. It's time the world stopped making Iraq a punchbag for egotistical shitheads like Bush who just wants to impress his Daddy. When you meet Bush, Mr. Blair, The Blackrat wishes you would really stand up for Britain, first say no to Son of Star Wars, then no to more bombing, and finally ask him why it is that Texas executed more people than any other state in the U.S. while he was Governer. Forget about holding an enquiry into Bill Clinton's last act of pardoning a controversial businessman, why don't you go back and count the ballots in Florida properly instead? If only.... The Blackrat says "Get fucked Dumbya Bush" and promises he will return soon... LORD CRY-BABY Feb 15th What a long name, Piers Anthony Weymouth Wedgwood (is he potty?)and what a pathetic whining prat ! Lord Wedgewood has resigned from the TORY Party in disgust at their attitude to the reform of the House of Lords ( formerly known as the Old Folks Rest home) Seems Hague the Vague can't even keep his core vote happy any more. "We put our country first the government doesn't seem to understand that" he blubbered. "Betrayed and bitter," was how he described himself later on. AAAH diddums, did naughty Tony take poor little Wedgie's seat away from him then? He described the eventual compromise election for 92 hereditary peers to remain for the time being in the Upper House as a "ridiculous sideshow." Since when has democracy been something to ridicule, Wedge-mouth? You've got a nerve, especially when you were probably only able to sit there in the Lords because one of your ancestors perhaps got screwed by a lord and had a child out of wedlock. What is it that makes such arrogant fucks think they have "rights" to be there? Lord W even thinks the hereditary peers might have a role to play in government in future. Yeah, right, as tour guides for a parliamentary museum perhaps. The Blackrat will "wedge" himself in here again soon........ GROUND CONTROL TO MAJOR DOME ! or Houston, we have a problem... FEB 13th Oh my gosh, the clever folk over the pond at NASA are all ready to land a probe on EROS, one of the numerous asteroids whirling around in space somewhere in our solar system. Great eh? We'll be able to see all the details of the smooth, featureless surface of a dead world orbiting way out there with absolutely nothing happening on its sterile surface. Better stay inside on clear nights Billy Boy or they might land on you! Only one thing I have to say. Why bother spending zillions of dollars on such a thing, when all NASA has to do is zero in on Britains (Un)favourite "Northern Star" Mr. Billy "14 pints" Hague himself, and land on his fucking head! Listen up, my friends from across the pond, there ain't nothing happening between the ears of our very own "arse-teroid" Billy Vague. So far as the scientists of Kick the Tories can ascertain, nothing of note has happened on his smooth featureless scalp surface since time began, nor beneath it for that matter. The Blackrat says, Hey NASA, carry on with your space research, and if you need any monkeys to send up in satellites.... Take Hague off our hands.............please ! ! ! PENSION THEM OFF! FEB 11th Well, the STIRRER beat me to it on the front page ( goodness me, that man keeps strange hours! ) but here goes anyway. The TORIES U-turn on pensions has made them look more than usually idiotic. First they were all for scrapping extra fuel payments for pensioners. (That wasn't really very popular, even they realised that) Now they say they'll keep the option but people would have to make a choice whether they claim it seperately, or have it added on to their pension. Get fucked ! Reactions to this idea range from "A costly mess" to "Tories pension policy is now in ruins!" How can these cretins forever carp on about red tape, then come out with something that would add layers of bureaucracy to the business of paying out pensions, confuse people needlessly, and probably deter some of them from claiming (Ah! That's perhaps the real reason for this scheme.) No, the real answer is that the TORIES are unfit for government now, or for the forseeable future. I hope that if they are ever capable of winning power again, I'll already be drawing my pension. The Blackrat hopes that Hague will be pensioned off after the next election....
FAR RIGHT WING SHITE ! Feb 9th So the Stirrer heard about someone sabotaging the Far Right Site. Don't look at me, not guilty! I have better things to do. The point is, that views such as those expressed on that site are odious and extreme for sure. They call for a one party state banning alcohol and making religion compulsory. Lets be fair, they are all a bit young, and haven't spent much time in the real world. When you get to be as ancient as I am (I'll have to change my name to Greying Rat soon !) you realise that such a world view is irrational, live and let live and all that. On the other hand, it's scary to think that there are people out there who think of such unworkable extremist twaddle. What they seem to be calling for is something like an Islamic state. Even in Iran they are starting to lighten up. Probably the greatest irony of such prats using the Internet at all is that their kind of society would become quickly untenable with the spread of personal computers. Look at the efforts of totalitarian states around the world to combat the use of computers. If the left fails, then the reinvigourated right can return. Look at USA in 1980, or Britain in 1979 for example, or recently in Israel. Their new leader would be called a fascist by some if he wasn't Jewish. Whatever you think of Blair, the alternative is too horrible to contemplate. DO NOT STAY HOME ON MAY 3rd.............YOUR VOTE..use it or lose it! The Blackrat will return..............
e - (for Excrement) Mail FEB 9th Eeuch! Eee by 'eck. Not content with being the opposition leader with "virtual"ly no hope of winning power, Hague the Vague now wants to infest computers up and down this septic isle with his "Save the Pound" cyberspace ranting. Seems that lots of us computer users will receive an unwanted e-mail this weekend. You all know what to do, hit "delete" and breathe a sigh of relief. Labour MP Fraser Kemp said "We expect to see PCs crash throughout the land as people try and rid their computers of this unwanted virus." Too right, why not e-mail Hague as Stirrer suggested long ago. How about This one? "Fuck off you baldy extremist reptile, you aren't going anywhere except to the rubbish bin." Stick that up your virtual anus!!! The Blackrat will log off now, but I'll return soon.........
RETRO
TORIES Feb 6th Oh good grief! Now that America has a reactionary retro-government, did someone just go to the House of Lords (also known as The Crypt) to dig up the Chingford Skinhead (Tebbit) before he properly decomposed in order to bring back his famous "Get on yer bike and look for work!" nonsense that caused so much ill will among the unemployed back in the 80s. No, actually all we have here is more TORY hypocrisy. Cycle fan and TORY Shadow Transport spokesman Bernard Jenkin calls for more use of bicycles to lessen pollution and congestion. He must have got his tiny little brain tangled in his chain or something. Right from 1979 onwards, the TORY governments of The Mad Cow and Major Disaster aggressively encouraged the so-called car culture, building more and more by-passes which any economist worth his/her salt will tell you encourages even more vehicles to come out on the road. At the same time they were busy running down public services such as the trains and buses for years, leaving many folk with no option but the car. It's a bit rich them suddenly trying on these green credentials. Pedalling for votes in a shameless race against time, that's all it amounts to. The Blackrat can't resist it............On yer fucking bike Bernard !
RATS ON SUNDAY Feb 4th Not a lot happening today, the Hinjuda story seems to have died down a little, but the Blackrat sniffed out a couple of little tidbits to tide you over until something more juicy comes along.
The Blackrat says "eh-oo" and will be back soon............
ANYONE ELSE WANT A JOB WITH THE HINJUDAS THEN? February 1st 2001 "I do, me me!" so it appears said Timothy Kirkhope the TORY Chief Whip in the European Parliament when offered one a couple of years ago. Seems that while he was in charge of dealing with immigration applications, he gave the nod to one of the brothers getting a UK passport. Not long after he lost his seat in 1997 along with a satisfying number of other TORY MPs, little TIMMY got a nice job advising the Hinjudas about constructing dams and the like back home. Fair enough, you scratch my back and I'll stab you in yours, and all that, but isn't it about time the TORY fucks stopped trying to slander hard working Labour MPs such as Keith Vaz, who has willingly gone along with an investigation into his alledged dealings with the brothers. It works both ways you scummy shitbags, remember that. Your pathetic attempts to tar Labour with the sleaze label will backfire miserably on you, especially since you are up to your ears in corruption and graft. THE BLACKRAT will stick at the job of kicking it to the TORIES for a long, long time.... BLACK RAT ECONOMICS - Lesson # 1 Feb 1st Just in case you get some thick TORY prat telling you that taxes have gone up under Labour, remind them that even though it's true that taxation is 25 billion higher since Labour got in, remind them that all but 1.7 billion is due to tax increases that were announced by Major Disaster's lot when they were in power prior to May 1997. That makes it about 7% due to Labour, and 93% down to the TORIES. Put that in your pipe and smoke it Hague! And while you're at it, explain what you were doing partying with the Hindujas. The Blackrat will return to tax your patience again soon... OFF
THE BUSES.... FEB 1st Remember the old joke about someone being too thick to organise a round of drinks, well here we have proof that the TORIES are too dim to get a bus tour up and running. Shades of Blakey and his mates. Worse, even, at least Reg Varney and his crew gave us a laugh. Lord "Running Man" Coe might have been fast off the starting block, but he was so useless in his efforts to get Hague's "Battle Bus" organised that apparently he had to be taken "Off The Buses." HA HA HA ! TORY central office is said to be in "disarray" only weeks from the start of the election campaign. "Oh no," Hague insisted on Wednesday "That is fully organised" Pull the other one, it's already half an hour late, like the buses under the TORIES, didn't run on time then and won't for the forseeable future. The Blackrat has to leave now, and catch the train..... REMEMBER YOU READ IT HERE FIRST! JAN 31st
Anne Widebum said that poor little Willie boy couldn't be expected to declare every reception that he attended, and that he wasn't there to officially raise money for the TORIES. Yeah, right, better watch those glasshouse windows before you throw any more stones you daft cow!
CANDY FROM A BABY HAGUE JANUARY 31st SORRY to keep repeating myself, but that's about all the TORY planks do these days. Someone said back in December when they last came out with more of the same bollocks that slamming the last lot of TORY tax cuts and spending proposals was like taking candy from a baby. Same goes for the latest electoral sweetners that Hague and his morons have concocted. So a TORY government would spend what the country could afford would it? Fucking get a new brain Hague, and try reading the user's manual this time, ok? Once again we have proposals to cut taxes and increase spending by several billion quid. And once again, no details about those cuts, just the announcement that a future TORY government would make them. Thatcher made much the same claim about belt tightening and cutting the suit to match the cloth or however the fuck that old saying goes. Look how much privation and suffering her economic scroogery caused. Most of the cuts Hague claims could be made would be in education, schools and the Health Service, and since his real agenda is to privatise them all, he can go right ahead and spout such crap. Lets hear some real news from the TORIES, like what was discussed at that party where Hague was seen chinwagging with two of the "passport kings" the Hinduja Bros themselves? Like the STIRRER said on his page there ain't no free ride in politics. The BLACKRAT wouldn't want to take any candy from a TORY anyway, unless he'd been for his rabies shots first. THE MANDY PANDY AND KEITH VAZELINE SHOW.. (NOT) JAN 28th So Mandy and Vaz are a couple of sleazebags huh? That's what the media would have us believe. Mandy has long been a lightening rod for all the hate and fulmination from the gutter press, and hasn't done himself any favours by coming across as a smarmy bastard. Vaz appears to have done absolutely nothing wrong, and has actively encouraged an investigation that he believes will vindicate him. Hardly comparable with the evasive defiant stance that landed theTORY sleaze merchants in the shit pre-1997 is it? Some of their number even had the nerve to call for Mandy to stand down as an MP. The Blackrat says go get fucked! Who was the TORIES first choice for mayor of London? Yeah, I know I said it before, Lord "Effing" Archer. And it took the man in the white suit to rid Parliament of the Tatton Tower of Sleaze now didn't it? "Them's what's in glass houses shouldn't throw stones like" as my old friend Dave the Dentist used to say. The BLACKRAT will return..............
WHAT DID I
TELL YOU... JAN 25th So, they have finally come out with what I was expecting them to. The TORIES are trying to make abortion an election issue. Hague has admitted he is anti, and now his health secretary goes on record as calling for a ban on legal abortion. (Let's be honest here, whatever your views on this issue, we all know that banning it wouldn't end illegal backstreet abortions.) Certainly not, but it would enganger the lives of thousands of women, and see a rise in the number of single mothers. Britain already is well up the league tables in unplanned pregnancies. Are the TORIES so stupid as to take up an issue that for about 80% plus of the electorate is a personal matter that they don't want to see turned into a political football as it is in the STATES. Bush has already cut off cash to any organisation supporting abortion (his first executive decision, I think) Oh well done you prick, that will only cause more hardship, so much for compassionate conservatism, whatever the fuck that was supposed to be. The TORIES are not quite as moronic as some of us think, they are clearly hoping that a record low turnout, and a mobilisation of the religious right will see them make significant gains. I feared this would happen, but it seems that the TORIES are evil enough to consider such legislation which flies in the face of logic, and is just plainly undemocratic. These fucks must never be allowed to win again. The Blackrat wishes that the parents of Willy Hague, Anne Widebum, and the rest had practiced safe sex every single time from their wedding night onward. Oh well, if only................. HAGUE'S
BARMY ARMY JAN 24th Now who needs a spin doctor? First the TORIES condemn the idea of women serving in the front lines in the armed forces as political correctness. Then the other day, Hague was sat there with a load of A- level takers, taking questions. One of them asks him about her prospects in the RAF, and he replies that he can see no reason why women shouldn't serve on the front lines, contradicting the statements made by one of his own witless platoon of shadow cabinet ministers. Then they did a 180 degree spin and declared it was up to the armed forces to decide. Make your fucking mind up WIlly Boy ! This is just another example along the lines of the "up in smoke" debate over cannabis a few months ago, with Anne Widebum making herself look like an even bigger prat than she usually does ( in itself no mean achievement ! ) Is it any surprise that the TORIES are 21 points behind Labour in the latest poll when they keep blundering around like a latter-day Dad's Army looking for Nazi spies. What do you think, Captain Mainwaring, can you knock Hague and his sorry shower of twits into a fighting force in time for May? What was that? THE BLACKRAT just heard him mutter "stupid boy" and then double up in fits of laughter......How did the theme song go "Who do you think you were kidding Mr. Hitler..." etc etc SEMI-DETACHED TORIES JAN 22nd Look who missed out on the gravy train because they are thick bastards who don't want to be there anyway. Seems that the TORIES have just missed out on a few million quid of Euro-funding due to what was described as their "semi detached relationship with their centre-right EU allies" Labour and the Lib Dems got their little prezzies though making the TORIES look like twats yet again. Francis Maude condemned it as "cash for policy" but what about "Three Wheeler" and his cool five million ( I don't want anything for this, only just so I can decide who gets to be in the cabinet and a say in which plank replaces Hague after May 3rd) What's that but letting some cracked old zillionaire buy your party lock stock and barrel? Lib Dem Malcom Bruce said "The Tories only have themselves to blame for not having any friends in Europe." Too fucking right. SO when are they going to come out and admit that they want to link up with the UKIP and pull us out of Europe altogether? When Anne Widebum gets to take the helm of what's left of their pathetic party after the next election I guess... THE BLACKRAT will dig around for some more detached musings on the slow death of the TORY Party....... HONEST NIGEL STRIKES AGAIN JAN 21st Quote of the week from Nigel Hastilow, PPC for Birmingham Edgebaston who made waves on his website(see a couple of stories below) Well, "Honest Nige" has done it again with his latest gem "At this rate if we go on like this, there won't be a TORY party left by the election." If only. Does he have a political death wish, or is he just too honest to make a good TORY? Keep up the good work Nige.... The Blackrat will keep watching out for more of Nigel's nuggets.... STICK THAT UP YOUR ARSE HAGUE Jan 16th Good to be able to report some heartwarming news amid the chills of winter. Recognition of unions by employers has more than doubled in the last year to 159 recognitions covering 58,000 workers. At the same time, total union membership also showed a modest increase. So, will the TORIES pledge to reverse the legislation on union recognition? Wouldn't put anything past them now that they have effectively written off the next election. They can say what ever the fuck they like, nobody is listening to them anymore ( thank heavens!! ) The BLACKRAT will return..... STAR WARS - EPISODE HAGUE Jan 15th So the cold war retro government of "Son of Bush" wants to re-start "Star Wars" or the US anti-ballistic missile system as they prefer we call it. Entirely predictable given the mindset of the extremist bunch of twats "W" for witless moron Bush has selected to serve in his cabinet. Over on our side of the pond, our very own Jabba the Hut, Willy Vague has equally predictably jumped at the chance to endorse the idea of Britain providing logistic and other backing for this crackpot scheme. Never mind that the top general in the UK wrote it off as a crock, and forgetting that of 19 tests planned to evaluate the viability of the system, only three have been completed, two were miserable failures, and the third "partially sucessful." That doesn't exactly reassure me. If Hague condemns the proposed EU force as "further wrappings of (European) statehood." How can he want to reduce Britain to the status of the United States aircraft carrier / ammo dump? Further proof that Willy Boy is just like E.T. who was a million light years from home. In Hague's case, it must be light years from ever being taken seriously as a potential leader in waiting. The BLACKRAT hopes that the FORCE be with you ( but not the Tories)... NOTHING TO "BRAGG" ABOUT Jan 13th Here's a strong contender for one of our awards next year. Melvyn (Now LORD) Bragg. "Labour Peer turned Tory Sycophant" parhaps. He's been dishing out copies of a video defending foxhunting ahead of next Tuesday's vote to ban the vile activity. His arguments are along the lines that some folk will lose their livlihoods if the sick fucks can no longer don the red coats and watch dogs tear a fox to shreds in the name of country tradition. Granted that some jobs will go if and when foxhunting is banned. Around 8,000 according to independent estimates. I'm sure that those who find themselves on the dole can and will be compensated. Trouble is, I have a long memory, and I seem to recall that in the mid 80s, when Thatcher "banned" mining in a lot of places, something like 100,000 jobs were lost, and whole communities went down the crapper. I didn't see much sympathy for the families and small businesses that suffered, not to mention the miners themselves. Put a fucking sock in it Melvyn, and go back to what you do best - fronting artsy programmes on the goggle box. But this time, please spare us that ghastly Julian LLoyd Webber version of "Variations on a Theme by Paganini," or whatever it was, please. The BLACKRAT will hunt down more stories soon.......
AN HONEST TORY - HONESTLY Jan 11th Well, it certainly goes to show if you dig deep enough, you'll find something or other. I nearly missed this one. Seems that on the website of the TORY PPC for Birmingham Edgebaston, one Nigel Hastilow there were a few words of wisdom that didn't go down very well between the ears of the hairless dome-like Willy Vague. Do tell, I hear you all cry. Well, it's like this. We have to call the Department of the Environment and advise them that we've found a very seriously endangered species, an HONEST TORY if that is possible. Slap a preservation order on its habitat at once. On his website, Mr. Hastilow conceded that "The Conservative Party is seen as a lost cause" and it had " lost the fire needed to do battle and lost the will to win." Hague at first refused to believe it and shrugged it off as a slur, then when it became obvious it was true, made some of Labour's spin doctors look lame. Oh well, he whined, it was posted a year ago and things have changed since then. Yeah, like the TORIES are still fifteen percentage points or more behind, and their leader is about as popular as syphillis. Nigel, old chap, don't bother updating your webpage as you promised to, it's fine as it is...... The BLACKRAT will honestly keep on kicking these bastards, honest... OH BROTHER! or.. ARE THEY MONKS OR SKUNKS? Jan 8th It seems that just at the same time as the "Nun from Hell" (see Rat Archives from last November) was subjecting children in her care to all manner of cruelties, just down the road in Stirlingshire some even more revolting things were being done to boys at a special residential school. As if we should be surprised. The De la Salle Brothers are facing a civil action by 11 former students where between 1960 and 1982, it is claimed they were "brutalised" and suffered both physical and sexual abuse. I should add that at present these are only accusations, we will see what transpires once the trial gets under way. There's no smoke without fire, that's what I say. Just more proof, if any were needed that the last thing the education of our children needs is more involvement by the church, when it is blatantly obvious that a fair number of nuns, monks and the like are either perverts, off their fucking trolleys or both! Are you listening Hague? Let's hear no more of your drivel about getting church charities more involved with education. The Blackrat prays justice will prevail....
OFF
WITH HIS HEAD! Jan 7th While I was on my wanderings, I heard that Princess Margret may have had yet another stroke. Any other chain-smoking, whisky guzzling 70-year old would have to wait ages for such prompt attention.The results of her tests came through pretty damn fast enough though, and we can be sure she won't go without whatever medical help she requires for very long. On the same day, I read that it can take up to six months for some tests for cancer to be carried out and the patient sometimes reaches the point of no return in the interim. Get well soon your Royal Highness, ( I have nothing personal against the individual Royals, just the institution itself ) although it makes me more than a little sick that for the rest of us there are too many folk out there literally dying for a better Health Service. There's your legacy Thatcher. Do you feel proud? Are you enjoying it ? ? The BLACKRAT will return..........
ANDY GETS
AN "F" IN Jan 7th Well, here we go again, another TORY prick with a serious deficit in the memory department, at least when it goes to his own party. Seems that Andrew Lansley called on Parliament to set up a ministerial watchdog to ensure the code of conduct as outlined in the Neil report is upheld. He accused Blair of "Failing to meet his responsibility to enforce the code." Come on Andy Pandy, let's play pop quiz for a bit. Who was the man who was the living embodiment of corruption who lost his seat to Martin Bell? Right, Neil Hamilton, and I CAN say that now that the conviction has been upheld. And who is the former member of your party going on trial in May on charges of perjury? Give up? Lord 'effing Archer, that's who? Lansley brought up Prescott and Mandelson, but neither of them did anything corrupt, just fucking stupid, and that's the truth so far as I see it! I don't recall the TORIES were in much of a hurry even to set up a code of conduct, let alone bring in a watchdog to oversee it. It's the potty pot calling the kettle black again, innit? THE BLACKRAT will now 'conduct' himself to the next article........
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For
Railtrack
to
be Renationalised! 
)
"OVER-SLEAZE" EARNINGS 
Thatcher's Poodle bites
back. Or Hague apparently gagged the Mad Cow Thatcher
about this time last year when she was all ready to call
for Britain to pull out of Europe. He was worried that
would split the TORY Party, note that the idiot
didn't actually say he disagreed with her !
Doctor Spin himself,
Alastair Campbell was taken to task for criticising
TORY policy as being an insult to Mickey Mouse. Too
fucking right, TORY policy is an insult to the
TELLYTUBBIES. (At least the 'Tubbies' all speak the
same language and don't contradict eachother at the
drop of a hat.)
HAGUE AND THE HINDUJAS 
PARTY ON DUDES!