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RAT ARCHIVE No3 |  |
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| Home Page | FLY AIR USA October 28th I found this amusing little story on another site. It has nothing to do with TORY bashing, but it made me laugh, and I though you might see the funny side too... The pilot of an American plane is urging passengers to "beat the snot" out of any suspected hijacker. He stepped out of his cockpit on the US Airways Flight 62 from San Francisco with an axe. He said: "It's very sharp. I can shave with it. For anyone to try to break into this cockpit would be a very bad idea." He advised people to tackle hijackers, reports the Daily Record. He said: "Throw your shoes at them. A couple of you get up and tackle him. Beat the snot out of him. I don't care." He then described three possible scenarios: "One, someone stands up and says 'bomb'. If they tell you that, it's a lie. Second, someone pretends to be an air marshal. We don't have one on this flight. Third, "Someone might threaten to release some sort of biological agent. Don't be afraid. Pilots would land the plane before any lasting harm could be done." He then said: "Having said all this, I'd like you all to sit back, relax and enjoy the trip." Me, I always fly Virgin Atlantic! ITS RATURDAY MORNING October 20th 2001, Right, I've got a king size fucking hangover, but here goes. Nick Gibb and James Cran a couple of TORY MPS who the Bald one with Fascist Cravings just put on his pathetic shadow of a shadow cabinet two weeks ago quit already. One of them was a Portaloo follower. Sour Grapes anyone? In his pathetic debut at the dispatch box, Dungheap Stiffed. He came out with some shite about the health service and how Labour were fucking up. Blair shot back that the TORIES had no cred whatever when it came to public services. Too fucking right, I wouldn't put these fuckers in charge of a public toilet! Looks like Dungheap had better get his facts right before he starts sounding off like that again. Oh, and England are in sight of the Grand Slam! Blackrat will be heading for the pubs soon, after all the only way to beat a hangover this bad is to drink some more! TORIES ON THE SKIDELEYS October 16th, 2001 Lord Skideley, famous TORY biographer just became the first high profile member to jump following Dungheap Stiff's elevation to the top of the shitheap. A Clarke backer, he can no longer stomach the crap they are spouting over our partners across the channel. He described the TORY position on Europe as "hysterical embittered and xenophobic!" Fuck me, here I am agreeing with a TORY - albeit an ex-TORY. How many more are waiting to jump I wonder? Sounds like as they slide down the toilet of history, they are already leaving a few Skidley marks as they go! Ha ha, I enjoyed that. Blackrat says, the TORIES are skidding into a brick wall at 100mph with the brakes off, hopefully! INSOMNIA CURE DUNGHEAP October 14th, 2001 Well that was a boring load of shite and there's no mistake. What are you on about Rat? The TORY conference that's what! The Beeb called Dungheap "lacklustre" in his speech and reported that TORY campaigners "dispaired at their chances of turning the party into a modern inclusive political organisation." How many times do I have to spell it out? There is no way of making shit smell sweet that I know of! Whatever you do with it there is still a horrible shitty smell, and it is still shit. Same with the TORIES! And what about all that crap they were spouting about attracting more women and minorities. They just turned down shortlists for women, and there was not a single solitary suggestion as to how to acheive anything. The TORIES are bankrupt of ideas, brains, and we all know what happens to bankrupts don't we? Yes they are barred from holding public office. So lets ensure these bastards are all kicked in the bollocks next time round. The Blackrat says he will play a tape of Dungheap Stiff's fucking tedious speech any time he gets insomnia from now on! PRESIDENT BLAIR? October 12th, 2001 Well, latest poll from the USA suggests that 41% of Americans want Tony Blair for their next president. Meanwhile, only 15% of Britons think Dungheap is doing a good job as TORY leader. Give him to Bush as a pet lizard next time you are over there Tony, and let's put Bush's poodle in as TORY leader, or is Bush Tony's poodle? Fuck me if I know? WEASEL WORDS October 12th, 2001 Remember all that stuff Dunhill Stiffed came out with about purging the TORIES of racists? Well, if that's a purge, then I am a bottle of Andrews! The token "TORY Asian" deputy leader just came out with a load of fucking crap about the inquiry into racisists and extremists being "limited." It will only cover a few groups which make up a few individuals. Bollocks! The real reason is that now (H)Itler-Dome-Shitter (IDS) is safely ensconsed in his temporary job, he wouldn't want the enquiry to be too exhaustive. After all, if you kicked all the extremists and racists out of the TORY Party, who would be left to turn out the lights and cancel the milk! Fucking idiots. The Blackrat will leave you now, and enquire as to whether or not the pub has open yet!!!
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