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RAT ARCHIVE No2 |  |
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TITANIC # 2 December 7th, 2001 The re-arranger of deckchairs responsible for co-ordinating Ken Clarke's Conservative leadership bid warned that the TORIES would "pay the price" for electing Iain Duncan Smith, who only appeals to "nasty old people".The only moderately extreme Conservative Mainstream group's chief executive, Nick (touch of irony here since Superman's first name is Clark) Kent, says the other Clarke, the Porky fuckker who likes cigars could never have won the leadership because of the "narrow minded" nature of the party's members. "Their hatred of gays, blacks, successful women and the European Union is as extraordinary as it is offensive - but they cannot be reasoned with," he said in The Guardian recently. Blackrat adds that to reason with folk they be capable of reasoning by themselves in the first place. "Like the Labour activists who chose Foot over Healey in 1981, they have chosen ideological purity over public appeal." Or in plain English they are fucked. The Blackrat will return soon. WOMEN AND THE TITANIC
December 1st,
2001 The movie "Titanic" was especially popular with romantically inclined young women. Seems that the "Titanic TORY Party" (Post iceburg) is about as popular with women as the idea of catching herpes or a candle lit dinner with IDS! The last two elections saw women desert the party in droves. The TORIES just concluded their woman's conference with all sorts of blue rinsed sows dominating the preceedings. Not fucking surprising mate! Over half the TORY membership is said to be made up of wealthy reactionary old bags well into their sixties. Quote from the Beeb: "Women Conservatives "modernisers" fear that it is this side of the party's female wing that will end up thwarting their attempts to broaden the Tories' appeal beyond its narrow core support." and this little gem from one of the stupid cows at conference "Ninety per cent of our problems lay with our elected representatives, many of whose lifestyles did little to enhance our image." Something tells me they still don't get it. They are sinking into a shit hole of their own making. It can't happen soon enough! Dungheap Stiff and most of the blue rinse hags oppose shortlists for women. They have only 14 women TORY MPs as against 95 for Labour. (or about 8% as against over 20% female Labour MPs.) The Tories have nothing to offer women apart from a return to the kitchen sink or shit jobs in factories! It's like expecting a chicken to vote for Christmas. The Blackrat must go now, as Mrs. Rat wants him to do the shopping! November 23rd,
2001 SICK TORIES TAX MY PATIENTS
Tory Fuck Howard
the Coward said that Tories will put public services over
tax cuts! Who the fucking hell are these wankers
trying to fool now!!! Note that they just scored their worst ever result in the Ipswich by-election. Labour's Andrew Smith, the chief treasury secretary, attacked Mr Howard's comments as "completely negative - offering no answers and no positive proposals at all".
"Today's Conservative Party has not changed. They are just as extreme as before," he said. Too fucking right! adds Blackrat... These are the weasel words of desperate fukkers trying to fool us that they have changed. Do not be fooled, they would butcher the health service given half a chance. They can't be trusted! Now or ever. The Blackrat says "Bring back Bubonic Plague and force feed it to the bastards!!!" Willie Hague Digs
for Victory? Nov
15th, 2001 Well well, everybody's unfavourite ex Jackboot in Chief Willie Hague has found a job outside of politics. Hot off the BBC presses.. "William Hague has begun to put his years as Conservative leader behind him by landing two business jobs to run alongside his career as a backbench MP. Mr Hague, who on Monday made his first backbench speech for nine years, has taken up a post as political and economic adviser to JCB, one of the UK's largest companies." They build earth movers to shovel mud and dirt don't they? Well, the biggest muckraker and dirtbag of them all will be a fine addition to their management team. And he's the biggest pile of shit in a suit I ever saw! Did the earth move for him and Ffion I wonder? Stupid little sod! Lloyd George on another Hague, this one being Douglas Haig "Haig was devoid of the gift of intelligible and coherent expression, brilliant to the top of his boots." Fuck me, sounds like it must be genetic or summat! The Blackrat will unearth more shit on the TORIES soon enough... Rat Reporting November 11th, 2001 Well MSN still haven't got their shit together, so I can't write much. In any case, there isn't a whole lot going on. The TORIES are keen to show their patriotic support for Labour's initiatives to detain suspects without trial. I don't know what to think about that shit, but it shows the TORIES are a bunch of opportunistic wankers! Now it looks as if the Taliban scum will be beaten, they jump on the bandwagon hoping to bask in the glory of victory. Typical fucking TORY shites. The Blackrat will return next time. TORY FIREWORKS November 3rd, 2001 Well, here we go again, Bonfire night. What the fuck, I thought I'd get some fireworks and let them off in the back garden. Trouble is I ended up with a box of TORY FIREWORKS. Well, fill the red bucket with water, light the blue touchpaper and watch the fuckers burn. Well, the first one out of the box was a damp squib called a Willie Whimper. It first came out in 1997, and lasted as long as the last election. Makes vaguely fascistic speeches and tries to unite its party. DUD - Toss it in the bucket.fizzzzzz Next? It's another old banger, a Clarke-erillo. Wants to get into the Euro, but apart from that is just another busted flush. Passed its sell by date too. I tried to light the cigar paper but all it did was fart and flap its arms. A Portillo Suicide Rocket - This one burned out by trying to be too caring and liberal. As a result the other fireworks wouldn't be mates with it anymore. Ahh diddums. Toss it in the bucket. A Skidley Sparkler. Oh, where did it go? It slipped out of the box. It used to be in the SDP Firework set, then jumped ship. Unreliable these rats that jump ship. A Widebum Roman candle - another banger that had its day. I tried lighting it, but my lighter was made in Europe and it wouldn't take the flame. Oh dear. Toss it in the bucket. Hissssssss. An Iain Dungheap Stiff Sparkler that doesn't sparkle! This must be one of the most dud bangers I ever saw! Fizzles on for ages without making the slightest impression. I dumped it in the bucket early, it was sending me to sleep. Not many left now. The average age of these duds is about 70. What have we here, a Damien Green banger. It is too small to make much impression but came out with a load of bollocks about faith based schools recently. I won't even bother lighting this one, In the bucket! And an Archie Norman Rocket. Wants to move on from Thatcherism and still stay in the same box. What a silly little bundle of gunpowder you are. Good the box is empty. I noticed that lots of the others had already fallen out of holes in the left corner of the box. At this rate, there won't be many on sale again by this time next year. Fuck this for a Bonfire Night, I'm off to the pub! The Blackrat will try and write something funny next time! Student's Rat
Nightmare October
30th, 2001
Hello everybody, I'm back!!! Rats chased a student upstairs, that's what it said on the Beeb! "Students living in mouldy, vermin-infested houses might sound like something from the Young Ones. But the National Union of Students says that many students are forced to endure squalid accommodation and wants a licensing system which will set higher housing standards" I just pinched that off the BBC, nothing like recycling I say. Well, well, rats chasing students upstairs. How much dope have they been smoking? Actually I was thinking more along the lines of a student rat, none other than Johnathon Aitken, with still two years to go studying theology before he graduates. The fukker is said to be living as an impoverished mature student. He's just been released from bankrupcy, and is virtually penniless AHHH FUKKING DIDDUMS!!! Then the sting in the rat's tail. Only a couple of years to go, and the shite will qualify for his pension! NO, not the stingy state one that we all will have to scrape by on one day, but 50,000 quid a year. Just goes to show that crime does pay, innit! The Blackrat will be back to chasing scumbag Tories again (Hello Janet Street Potty, look out for more of my slanderous and totally unreasoned attacks on the Blessed God-fried. If anyone wonders what I am on about, go to the message board, and see the latest postings) |
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