PAST STIRRINGS

SEPTEMBER 2000-APRIL 2001

The old rubbish from Shit Stirrer

27/04/01 VERY VAGUE ON RACE Sick Willy Vague has been sending out mixed signals this week on the race issue.   The bald one recently signed the pledge not to raise the race issue during the general election, allegedly on behalf of the whole Tory Party, and then his party went and gave him a two fingered salute by refusing to sign themselves en-masse.   Then, after Robin Cook had made his first decent speech in God knows how long, the racist Tory MP John BNP Townend piped up with his latest rubbish about Britain becoming a "mongrel race".   So what if the British are becoming a "mongrel race". It would be for the better because, as any dog lover will tell you, mongrels are more loving, more intelligent and stronger than pedigree breeds.   The noble Lord Taylor of Warwick, one of the very few coloured Tories has called for Townend to be disciplined but, yet again, Fuhrer Wilhelm Vague has shown his remarkable tolerance (of racists) by saying that to withdraw the whip from the fascist Tory MP would be a "meaningless gesture" with only a few days to go before he retires.   Please excuse me for appearing extremely ignorant, but isn't this the same Tory Party who have just chucked out my MP Charles Wardle for sticking up for some of his constituents (or was he really thrown out for not being racist - he is one of the very few Tories who abhor racism).   Has baldilocks finally completely lost the plot in his party? He appoints Anne Widebum as Shadow Home Secretary who then calls the pledge not to bring racism into the election "silly and unnecessary" and then tolerates numerous racist outbursts by his MPs and then caps it all by making his "foreign lands" speech. Then, just to show how crazy he really is the bald one suggests that his party will be the first to elect an Asian as its leader.   Forgive me for being exceptionally thick, but I always assumed that to become leader of the Tory Party you had to become an MP first. Now my eyesight may be failing me as I have now reached middle age, but I have not noticed an Asian in the Tory ranks in the Commons.   As usual Sick Willy has talked a pile of shit. Are there two doctors and a magistrate available to section him?

26/04/01 HAGUE'S BABY BLUES Following the new plan for a "Baby Bond" by The Blessed Tony, we have witnessed the usual nonsense from Baby Dome who, as always, opposes any measure planned to reduce poverty.   The new "Baby Bond" idea is fantastic. It gives the children the chance that we never had. By the time the children have grown up it could well be worth around £3,000. The gift is ideal for them to use as a deposit on a flat, thereby helping to eliminate the need for teenage homelessness.   But I have the strong feeling that Sick Willy's real motive for opposition to this is the fact that as it seems he is a "jaffa" - seedless!   Let's hope he is. We don't want any more "Baby Domes" thank you very much.

19/04/01 STUFF THE FARMERS! I have just about had enough of the attitude of Britain's farming community.   They have the cheek to demand that we keep them in subsidies to let their fields rot, they demand compensation which no other industry in the country would demand and then they have the cheek to bite the hand that feeds them.   We have, this week alone, witnessed the ugly sight of Sick Willy Vague's shitmaster in chief David Handley threatening more fuel protests and the farmers refusing to allow vaccination against foot and mouth.   These farmers are offered help and they turn it down. They need a sharp lesson in reality.   It is time that we, the townies of this fair and pleasant land, stopped bowing to their every whim. They have had us banned from walking through their fields, they expect us to give way over fox hunting and when the foot in mouth crisis is finally over, they will go out of their way to stop us walking the footpaths by blocking them with barbed wire, crude obstructions, vandalising bridges or, as has been the case several times when I have wanted to walk over the fields to the best local pub, putting bulls and bullocks in fields where there is a footpath.   They constantly moan about how hard done by they are, despite the fact they almost all own the very latest Range Rovers, Land Rovers or other expensive vehicles, a couple of farmers near me even drive expensive Jaguars.   They often own big houses and pay their staff very poor wages.   They have the cheek to moan in the pubs about the "dole scroungers" but those on the dole and trying to get a few extra pennies to feed their children are amateurs when it comes to scrounging compared to the farmers who get Christ knows how many subsidies from the taxpayers, not to mention those available from Europe.   It is time that the whole farming industry had a shake up. Let a few of these self-appointed Tories (they are Tories to a man, and before anyone starts to defend them please remember that this is an anti-Tory website) who think they have the right to bring down an elected Government by any means possible suffer like the rest of us did under 18 years of Tory misrule by their friends. I say that the compensation should be taken away from the farmers and givent to the tourist industry instead which provides jobs for a hundred times more people than farming does.   As I have said in the title of this rant . . . Stuff the farmers!

19/04/01 WHAT DID I TELL YOU? I hate to say this . . . but "I told you so". This week the oil companies have moved to claw back the last of the tax cuts offered as a concession to the rabble rousing farmers in the wake of last year's disgraceful fuel protests.   At the time of the protests I argued that any concessions won from Gordon Brown would be money that could have gone on public transport, road-building or even the NHS would instead find its way back into the pockets of Shell, BP, Texaco etc.   And now it has happened. As a response to this action, once the election is over and done with and they are safe with another mandate, Gordon Brown and Tony Blair should hammer the oil companies with a windfall tax and also reinstate the tax cuts and also, I am waiting for the arguments even as I write this, reinstate the fuel escalator.   Enough is enough. Motorists will just have to learn that if they want to drive gas-guzzling cars and help to ruin our environment that they will have to pay for it.   Perhaps (I know this will never happen) the Government could find the courage to end the never-ending fight against car tax dodgers by putting extra on the cost of fuel instead.   But I did warn you of this outcome.

13/04/01 THE MODEL TORY MP Following the withdrawl of the Tory whip from retiring MP for Bexhill and Battle Charles Wardle, I can now exclusively reveal to you, my very patient and dedicated readers the desired qualifications to be a Tory MP or candidate with the blessing of Hague the Vague and Tory Central Office.   The first ingredient for any prospective Tory candidate is to be able to lie on your CV.   Then it helps if you are prepared to lie to the selection committee about your past and about your committment to the area you wish to represent.   Follow this up with the ability to go around the town in a car (foreign of course) with the Union Jack upside down in a stupid "keep the pound" (which Sick Willy decided to take to heart) campaign.   It helps tremendously if you have the intelligence of a monkey, for that is what you will be in effect (the proverbial monkey with a blue rosette).   You must also have the attributes of a sheep (willing to be lobby fodder - also referring to the mass slaughter of Tory candidates on June 7).   If you pass these criteria you will then become a Tory MP.   It is now that the real fun starts. You will be expected to act like the idiot that you really are.   You will be encouraged by your leader to make openly racist comments (although he will then make a pathetic attempt to condemn you even though he encouraged the statement in the first place).   You will get plenty of opportunities to make a lot of money on the side by asking questions for various companies, numerous directorships and "consultancy" fees.   It would help your enhancement up the greasy pole enormously if you were prepared to accede to a little bribery.   Promotion to the shadow cabinet is almost a certainty if you are prepared to show your brown tongue to the real leader (Margaret Thatcher).   When you do make it to the shadow cabinet it is then acceptable to lie on oath in a libel trial. (a la Aitken). Then you can wave your "Sword of Justice".   Don't forget along the way to learn to speak with a funny accent.   If you are really intent on promotion don't forget to start a slate in the bar and invite Fuhrer Wilhelm Vague for regular drinkies at your expense.   And, finally, if you are the complete package, a total nutcase, completely racist, able to earn two bollockings by the Standards and Privileges Committee, able to look a right prick, look more and more like an alien with every passing day, astute at ballot rigging, have only a fraction of a brain cell (which is totally pickled by the 14 pints a day since you were a pathetic Thatcher's arselicking, Hansard-reading boring git of a child) and have even less inside your head than you have on top of it . . . they will make you leader (and you will win the ultimate prize of being this site's Tory Idiot of the Year!)

12/04/01 MIRACLES DO HAPPEN Yes, I know that other members of this site will think I've gone totally crazy when I write this, but I've finally found something in a Tory manifesto which I agree with.   In the manifesto for the forthcoming county council elections in East Sussex, the local Tories are putting forward a plan for a new "1066 Country" University to be sited on the edge of Bexhill in the new business park to be built alongside the very controversial (and much needed) bypass (which has been promised throughout my lifetime but has yet to see beyond the planning stage).    This new university will bring many jobs to a very depressed area and will also have the added benefit of reducing substantially the average age of the area. It will also bring in much needed higher paid employment.   This area did have "assisted area" status but it was wasted by the Tories and Lib Dems on Rother and Hastings councils.   Since Labour have taken over Hastings council things have improved substantially in the town. I know it still thoroughly deserves the title "Helltown" and it always will until the drunks, druggies and slums are cleared up.   This should not become a political football. It is not a matter for party politics. ALL parties should unite around this plan which would improve this depressed part of East Sussex tremendously.

12/04/01 WHAT A SIGHT! After finishing the hardest shift of the week on Tuesday night, I returned home on Wednesday morning and turned on the TV to find out what the weather was going to be like for the day ahead (rain at 4.30pm of course!!!! - the time I have to leave to go to work - and I got drenched again) and I was greeted by just what I didn't want to see at that time of the morning - Hague the Vague spouting his latest nonsense over foot and mouth.   He was being interviewed by some dumb blonde on GMTV who the previous morning had been all over that God-awful singer from the seventies Donny Osmond (who has decided it is time to inflict more of his rubbish on us - Why is it we only seem to import the trash from the USA?) but the bitch at least had some sense and was trying to sit as far away from Baby Dome as possible and, although she was hardly a heavyweight on the interviewing scene, managed to make him look an even bigger prat than usual.   However, I couldn't help but study the man for something to criticise him for in this column and I came to the conclusion that the more I see the pillock the more he looks like an alien.   He's even got the "Spock" ears for Christ's sake.   The big problem for us is that we will have to see this ugly mug at breakfast time more and more often in the coming couple of months leading up to the election.   At least after that the bastards will dump the loser. Hopefully then they may just elect someone who doesn't look like your worst nightmare just when you thought you were awake.   Or they may elect Ann Widebum . . . THE BLACKRAT ADDS:     Let's face it, my dear old Mother Rat herself has been calling Hague "The Roswell Alien" since he got elected to his present job. She was the one who pointed out to me a while back his stunning resmblance to the alledged alien survivors of a UFO crash out in Roswell, New Mexico back in 1947. That would mean that not only he is an illegal alien, but also forfeits the right to vote, or stand for office. Come on then, deport the bastard, to MARS or wherever..(Oh and if he has been here since 1947, then he is 54 not 40, lying about his age as well as everything else, tut tut...) 

05/04/01 A RECKLESS GAMBLE The Blessed Tony has taken leave of his senses in backing down over the date of the elections.   Labour has nothing at all to gain from moving the date to June 7th and everything to lose, in fact we could ALL lose.   What happens if Foot and Mouth is still out of control in June? Then he would have to postpone the elections until the autumn, and if, as expected, we catch George Wanker Bush's economic cold then Labour's poll ratings would dive quicker than a pack of Tories into a money-filled pig trough.   Let's face reality here. We are talking about cancelling the elections to suit those in the countryside. But hang on a minute, weren't those same farmers who are moaning now the same farmers who were on the picket lines back last October against this very same government over petrol prices, despite the fact they pay a lousy 3p per litre duty on their pink diesel? Am I losing my marbles or are these countryside areas the very same areas that time after time elect a monkey in a blue rosette? The 1% directly affected by this crisis are extremely unlikely to vote Labour anyway.   I think Tony Blair has been a big fool. He is only playing into the hands of Fuhrer Wilhelm Vague, but (as I keep reminding everybody anyway) Blair is a Tory too.

31/03/01 A BROWN TONGUE TO MATCH THE BROWN SHIRT This week we have witnessed the true face of the Tory Party emerge with the comments by John Townend and Christopher Gill.   It is no surprise to me that two Tory MPs who are retiring at the next election were chosen to make the most disgusting racist comments seen in the run-up to an election for many years. They are both disposable.   The disgusting comments would have the backing of The Fuhrer even though he made pathetic attempts to distance himself from them.   But the real Hague the Vague appeared the other week with his "foreign land" speech. No, the sick bastard backed everything they said. It was a case of use them to say what he couldn't given the fact that he is, in theory at least, the leader of the party.   After he had made his first racist speech everybody thought that Townend would shut up and go and collect his pension.   But no, he then had to write an article in the parliamentary magazine called "The House" in which he criticised human rights legislation and made the stupid allegation that parliament is becoming a glorified county council.   Then, just to show that he wants a brown tongue to match his brown shirt (for those not familiar with the term "brownshirts" they were the followers of Moseley, a man who - like the Blessed Tony - kept talking about the "third way") he arselicked to the Mad Cow about how things had gone downhill since she was kicked out.   What a bunch of pathetic wankers these Tories really are.

31/03/01 SICK BILLY'S ELECTION DELAY CRAP This week we have seen the pathetic Sick Willy Vague having the cheek to lecture the Blessed Tony on the immorality of holding a general election whilst there is still a foot and mouth crisis.   Forgive me for appearing to be dumb, but when he says that there shouldn't be an election until next year (hoping in vain that his own standings may have risen from -29% in that time [in the most recent www.yougov.com survey 23% - including yours truly - have rated him at 1 on a scale of 1 to 10 as a leader  - Blair has 10% rating him at 1 and has a +6% rating, and this in a survey which gives the Tories a 6% lead!!!]) but the baldy with a funny accent and even less inside his head than he has on top has forgotten that the real leader of the Tory Pary, the Mad Cow Thatcher, twice went to the country after only four years and Major Disaster only waited the full five years twice because he thought that in 1992 if he went any earlier he would lose and in 1997 he ran out of time and was still a mile behind.   And as for the pathetic argument that politicians traipsing around the country from one infected area to another and then to uninfected areas would make the situation worse I wonder if it has occurred to this site's Tory Idiot of the Year that he has been doing precisely that in the past month.   In Cumbria the Tories have even called a by-election despite the crisis.   No, the real reason Sick Willy wants a delay is to save his own skin from the baying mob which sits behind him in the Commons. He is scared that the election coming early will cost him his job.   May 3rd please Tony.

30/03/01 MORE VAGUE HYPOCRISY Hague the Vague has shown even more hypocrisy than usual this week over racism with the usual insane outbursts against asylum seekers and then, for the official record but not effectively, condemning the nazi-lover John Townend for his disgraceful racist comments. If Sick Billy really disagreed with this vile Tory then he could have expelled the bastard from the party, especially with Townend retiring at the next election.   However, as usual, he was vague and did nothing apart from mumble a few words to the effect that he would be censured. What was he censured for? Was it for his disgusting racism or for expressing what most Tories generally believe in (including Sick Willy) but want hidden in the run-up to the election as they don't want to appear as extreme as they really are?

23/03/01 SICK WILLY'S DOUBLE STANDARDS Despite his conviction by the Standards and Priviliges Committee of the House of Commons on 8 counts of Vaguery, Furher Wilhelm Vague is still pursuing his vendetta against Europe Minister Keith Vaz. OK, so we all know and accept the fact that Vaz is a sleazeball too, but he was only found guilty on one technicality and not 8 counts of misleading Parliament.   Yes, Vaz should go, but the Blessed Tony will get rid of him at the proper time, which is after the election.   The Stirrer would like to point out one fact to the single brain cell that exists in the Baby Dome and it is this: IF ONE TECHNICALITY IS A RESIGNING MATTER THEN SURELY 8 GUILTY VERDICTS ARE 8 REASONS TO RESIGN AS LEADER OF THE OPPOSITION?

16/03/01 IS THERE ANYBODY OUT THERE . . . with enough time, money and determination to cause a little mischief during the general election?   Reading in the local rag (it seems the only really interesting part of the local paper is the motors section put together by yours truly!) about the troubles of the Tory candidate in the general election made me wonder whether any of our members are interested in standing in the election as an INDEPENDENT CONSERVATIVE candidate.   There is the possibility that enough votes may be taken from Hague's mob to swing a marginal constituency away from the nazi lovers to make sure the bastards don't win that constituency!   Any offers via the message board please!

11/03/01 NEW LABOUR, NEW WEEK, NEW SLEAZE We all know that the Tories are up to their necks in sleaze but it has appeared just lately that even the Pseudo Tory Blair has been at it too.   We on this site are getting more and more fed up with the boy Tony copying the Tories as much as possible but there is no need whatsoever for New Tories (pronounced New Labour) to be on the take.   We can all thank God (if there is one) that Sick Billy and his crew are so incompetent. If there was a credible opposition at the moment Blair and his bunch of Neo-Tories would be out on their ear at the next election, and deservedly so.   What we on this site want to see is a Labour Government that acts like it is a Labour Government (and that doesn't mean fucking right up either - it means caring for those least able to help themselves) and not a throwback to Thatcherism. We had enough of that under Thatcher thank you very much Tony.   This Government has been a disgrace to the name Labour. What we need to see is for Gordon Brown to find the balls to challenge the boy Tony for the leadership once the election is all said and done.   The people of this country voted for a change of Government in 1997, not merely a change of personnel and that is what we have had.   If they want to call themselves Labour why don't they show they mean it by making one decision that would be a vote-winner - RENATIONALISE THE RAILWAYS.

11/03/01 FOR A GOOD NIGHT OUT I highly recommend the Abba tribute band Voulez Vous who are on tour at the moment. I went to see them last night and they were absolutely brilliant.   If they can have Death-on-Sea rocking in the aisles then they must be good!

08/03/01 AN ELECTION BUDGET It was clear in the Budget that Gordon Brown had both eyes on the forthcoming election.   We were used to giveaway Budgets from the Tories just before elections (indeed many people credit Nigel Lawson with winning the 1987 election for Thatcher) but this time the Chancellor opted to give most to those at the lower end of the spectrum.   However, once the election is all done and dusted and Labour are safely ensconced for another term Mr Brown needs to address some important issues.   First on the agenda should be the disgraceful situation where there is a ceiling on NI contributions.   Then he should find the guts to increase the top rate of income tax   Finally he should find the strength to raise the basic rate of tax to help fund a massive investment in the NHS, schools and public transport.   I know it is a non-starter (especially after the fuel protests) but I would like to see him abolish road tax and put more on the price of fuel instead. That way there is no avoidance.   If he wants to appear generous he could do one thing which would appeal mainly to natural Labour supporters and antagonise the health fascists at the same time - REDUCE SUBSTANTIALLY THE TAX ON CIGARETTES AND TOBACCO PS - Here's the light Black Rat!

08/03/01 LUCKY BASTARDS! About 200 yards from where I live some kids were found burning $100 bills which had come from a robbery.   They were part of a $20,000 haul which had been stolen and the safe that they came in was found in the woods where I used to walk my dog while he was still alive.   Only one question that I ask myself here - Why couldn't it have been me that found a share of that money!   Many people say I burn money anyway by smoking!

08/03/01 Sssshhhhh! DON'T MENTION THE C**********E WORD! It has been reported in the Daily Mirror that Tory Central Office has instructed its canvassers in the forthcoming general election not to say the word "Conservative".   To me the pronoun "Con" belongs with the Tories because they have conned everybody for a number of years into believing that they are a genuinely "one nation" party when they have only ever stood for the rich people.   Hague the Vague however is fooling nobody because the electorate have seen through him and will make sure that he is a loser at the next election. Let's face it he is a born loser!   There is one word that is generally used before the word Conservative (Arrrrgh! I'm sorry, my fingers slipped!) and that is the word Fuck!   Fuck Conservatives (no thank you - is it any wonder Ann Widebum is still a virgin at her age!)

08/03/01 ANOTHER ONE FLIES OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST So Sick Willy has revealed himself as the latest Tory to expose himself as having been let loose from the asylum under the last Tory Government's miscare in the community policy.   How many more of the shadow cabinet are going to reveal themselves to be stark raving bonkers.   As the Hague Watch Status shows at the top of our home page he is CERTIFIABLE!   And as to this country becoming foreign under Labour, I only have one thing to say to Billy Shit:   en coulais tu tete a dome, et firme le bouche.   (in English that is - Fuck Off Dome Head and shut your gob!)

25/02/01 PLEASE, PLEASE STAY! It was reported in The Observer that Hague the Vague was considering copying Major Disaster (as the Black Rat calls the former PM) and contesting a "put up or shut up" leadership challenge. His aides went on "mobile" status apparently and convinced him to stay. THEY DID US ALL A VERY BIG FAVOUR. HAGUE IS GOING TO LEAD THE TORIES TO ANOTHER DISASTER. THEN THEY CAN DUMP HIM!

22/02/01 JUDGING JEFFREY So everybody's favourite Tory Lord Archer (even my computer doesn't like the bastard - it has crashed 5 times writing this) has got another little bit of woman trouble.   I wonder if he will say that he was only reading some bedtime books to the woman he was seeing behind the back of the "fragrant" Mary.   This has come just when he needed it least for the liar is facing court proceedings soon regarding the last little affair that he had.   Archer obviously can't spend enough time in the courts. First of all he is facing charges of perjury and conspiring to pervert (let's face it the bastard is a pervert!) the course of justice, he is facing an action by the Daily Star to recover the damages from the last libel trial, and now (unless he is very lucky) he will be in the divorce courts too.   Let's hope that he ends up with a sizeable amount of time to think over his actions when he faces the Old Bailey.

22/02/01 DON'T LET APATHY WIN The latest opinion polls don't have much good news in them for Hague the Vague and his bunch of wannabe fascists.   The MORI poll out today has Labour with a lead of almost the same size as the run-up to the 1997 election. Even worse news for the Tories was the finding that of those definitely going to vote the Tories were still trailing by the proverbial country mile.   The polls may be good news, but we have to remember that it is only real votes that count in the election. Every one of us has to make sure we vote and, if possible, convince others as well that not to vote is the same as voting Tory. Don't let apathy win in the next election. Despite the findings of the polls, Hague and his bunch of Nazi-lovers could still find themselves in power on the back of a low turnout.

  22/02/01 THE WRONG PRESCRIPTION The Tory Shady Spokesman for Health Dr Liam Fox has just written his prescription for the "improvement" of the NHS.   However, this prescription is more likely to result in the terminal decline of the NHS than its improvement.   As always, the Tories are trying to push for private medicine. If these bastards ever do come to power we have good reason to turn to God. We would need his help because we would have to rely on Faith, Hope and Charity because the NHS where treatment is based on clinical need rather than how much money you have would be gone forever.   I think I would trust Dr Frankenstein more than I would trust Dr Fox.   Given the appalling balls-ups that happen in private medicine but have been covered up, it probably would cost you an arm and a leg!

  14/02/01 BOTH FEET IN THE MOUTH The latest scandal involving Billy Fib is just another example of the ability of the pathetic leader of the Tories to put his foot in his mouth just when Labour are in trouble.   This time though he seems to have both feet in the mouth and, quite possibly, a revolver at his head as well.   If the trivial lie to the Commons was a resigning matter for Mandy then surely a deliberate attempt to mislead in the register of members' interests is cause for resignation.   The only problem for us in this situation is that Billy Fib is the best asset we have at the moment. If he was to resign it would give the Tories time to find a serious contender before the general election.   If Baby Dome resigns then it is possible that Ann Widebum would become leader. Could anybody vote for her? As Basil Fawlty said to his nurse when waking up in hospital "My God, you're ugly!"

14/02/01 A BIG THANK YOU I would just like to say a big "Thank You" to the Labour MP Denis Skinner for taking the time to speak to me over the latest scandal involving Hague the Vague.   He was courteous, highly intelligent and very thoughtful. A complete contrast to your average Tory MP.

12/02/01 CHEEK OF THE DEVIL! There will soon be another columnist on these pages. The infamous opponent of the extreme right wing the Red Devil. He will make me look moderate in the opinions expressed in his column. He is an unreconstructed left winger of the old school. He has been ruining the pages of our opponents in the far right community but has decided to turn to a more constructive format instead. Watch these pages!

12/02/01 BIRTHDAY BLUES! So Billy Boy has reached the milestone of 40 (although he looks 60!). Usually birthdays are for receiving presents but our TORY IDIOT OF THE YEAR is so thick he just has to get everything wrong and give us all the present of yet another foot in the mouth, this time over pensions.   This man is so pathetic he can't get anything right.   Let's face it - his piss up in a brewery would end up with everyone drinking Adam's Ale! (water for those who don't know the expression).

10/02/01 FINAL REVENGE! My local (Tory) MP Charles Wardle has tabled a Private Member's Bill in the Commons to try to force Freemasons to declare their membership in the register of interests once they attain public office.   He is to cite some notable cases of conflict of interest locally in the debate and I wouldn't be surprised if some of them don't involve the late (but not missed) Ivor Brampton (See previous stories). The Freemasons have now got control of the Tories where I live and were conspiring to remove Wardle. He announced his resignation at the next election before he was pushed.   I have e-mailed Billy Fixer on this very subject more than once (see the Dear Billy page) and the e-mails have never even been opened. And yet this pile of shit has the cheek to plan to e-mail people in a desperate bid for votes.   This bill is a final bit of revenge. But it is noticeable that he has left his bill until it is too late in the Parliament to actually succeed.   Isn't it remarkable? He has been in Parliament since 1983 and yet he has only just got round to the matter out of self-interest. As usual with the Tories it is a case of too little too late.

 08/02/01 ELECTION ALERT In his speech to a North London school today the Blessed Tony has set out what he sees as his vision for the next ten years.   The big problem is that yet again his heart seemed to be in the right place but the policies seem to be too conservative.   As always the Blessed Tony was trying to be all things to all people. It is about time that the Prime Minister realised that he should look after his party's natural supporters like the Tories looked after theirs in their 18 years of misrule.   We have to hope that Labour win the election which is coming up (this seems like the opening shot in a battle which will be the dirtiest - and most important - for many years) and just hope that after the election Labour have the sense to replace TB with Iron Gordon.

08/02/01 TALLY HO! I have read a story on the internet site www.yougov.com about a fox which entered the House of Lords. Can you imagine the scene if the Tory benches had got wind of it - You would have had a rush from the chamber to fetch their hunting pink and a cry of "Release the hounds!"   How the animal got there is a total mystery, but one thing is clear. The fox has entered enemy territory and got out alive.   Hopefully TB will have the guts to use the Parliament Act to ban the hunting of foxes.

02/02/01 VOTE FOR KING COAL! In the latest twist to the scandal involving the "Prince of Darkness" the leader of the miners Arthur Scargill has announced that he intends to contest the Hartlepool seat of Mandelson at the next general election. I would urge all voters in that constituency to back him. We were hoping for a man in a white suit (or any other colur suit for that matter) to stand against the liar and now we have our candidate. Good luck Arthur!

02/02/01 JOBS FOR THE TORIES  Further to the antics of the Prince of Darkness (doesn't he ever know when to get back into his coffin - even at the cost of bringing down his own Government) and Keith Vaz (at least he had the decency to support a full enquiry) it has now been revealed that Timothy Kirkcope (a former immigration minister) took a job with the Hinduja brothers after he lost his seat in the last general election. This might not sound much but he was the man who was in charge when the passport application for one of the brothers was being processed. Unfortunately this was not the only case of a Tory minister responsible for immigration taking a job from an applicant for a British passport submitted during his tenure. My own MP (until the next election when he stands down - he was on the point of being deselected anyway) Charles Wardle was minister in charge of passport applications when Mohammed Al Fayed applied and was refused. Wardle refused the application at the time but subsequently took Al Fayed's brown paper bag stuffed with money and is now saying that he made the wrong decision. Neither party emerge with any credit from this fiasco.

02/02/01 CORRUPTION AND INQUIRIES With all the goings-on about corruption and full independent inquiries into corruption within Government perhaps it is time to investigate the biggest uninvestigated corruption scandal of modern times. You all know what I'm on about - the Thatcher link to the arms trade. It is funny how the Iron Cow entered No 10 with just the drunken old fart being a millionaire but her reign ended with Drunken Dennis, Mad Mark and herself as millionaires. There were lots of rumours about arms contracts. Perhaps now that the Tories are out of office there can be an independent inquiry. The best one to investigate this would be an overseas judge.   Just a quick sobering thought on the Thatchers. Thank God (if there is one) this Labour Government abolished the voting rights of heriditary peers. Can any of you think of a worse situation than Mad Mark having a vote on how your life is run?

02/02/01 SICK BILLY AND "PEBBLEDASH MAN" The closest Sick Billy Vague and his bunch of sickophants (I know it's the wrong spelling, but correct context!) are going to get to "Pebbledash Man" as Tory Central Office have described the voters that they want to attract is when Sick Billy and his chums go out for 14 pints. After all, he must have given the streets of Rotherham a coat of pebbledash or hundred when he was younger. Which brings me onto this - Was the boy fixer pickled when he made his infamous debut speech to the Tory conference when the Iron Cow was leader of the Opposition, a position he will only relinquish for the back benches!

28/01/01 OVER PORTILLO'S DEAD BODY This morning on "Breakfast With Frost" on BBC1 this site's "Most Kickable Tory" Mickey Portaloo was asked about the abortion issue. He said effectively that a ban on abortion by the Tories was over his dead body.   With the way that the Tories are heading under the guidance of Vague, Widebum and Slimy Fox (not to mention the real leadership of Thatcher and Tebbit) it seems that the man who benefitted most from the Tory policy of "Care in the Community" is writing his own political obituary.   Portaloo also still failed to answer the questions as to the black hole in his budget plans. The man is on his last legs. His own side will finish off what the voters of Enfield Southgate started. You are the weakest link Mr Portaloo, goodbye!

26/01/01  ANOTHER SHOT IN THE FOOT! Isn't it fun to see the Tories now having the spotlight turned on them over the Hinduja affair. In the Mirror this morning the story of Hague the Vague and the brothers was broken. Perhaps the other papers will pick up the story now! The only good side-effect of this mess is that Mandelson has gone. Perhaps it is a price worth paying!

26/01/01 NAUGHTY STIRRER! At work this week I was given the unpleasant task of designing an advert for the Bexhill Observer for the local Tory Party to advertise a public meeting at the local folly known as the De La Warr Pavilion (for more on that place have a look under Tory Stupidity) to be attended by the Shadow Social Security Spokesman David "Two Brains" Willetts. contrary to my usual instincts (I am usually a perfectionist) I went out of my way to make the advert look as shit as possible. The Tory idiots obviously didn't notice anything amiss as the advert ran in the state that I created it. I used bold in the wrong places, I put the emphasis on the wrong information and committed the ultimate typesetting sin of mixing serif and sanserif typefaces. It looked shit. About as good looking as Ann Widebum.

22/01/01 TORY DEMOCRACY So we finally have Billy Fixer's definition of democracy within the Tory Party. He has stated before that he would like to introduce a system of one member one vote but I did not think that he would take it literally.   The proposal thus far seems to be this: Stuart Wheeler gives a donation to Tory funds of £5/10 million and in return becomes the one member with the one vote as to who becomes leader after the debacle in the next general election.   As usual the Tories manage to shoot themselves in the foot. Just when there was another story breaking about Dracula (Mandelson) one of them goes and upstages the whole thing with another piece of nonsense.   This story could well run and run!

18/01/01 GOODBYE
HUNTING! So the House of Commons has voted to ban hunting with hounds.   This is a very welcome vote and not before time. The only problem is that it has been left too late to be enacted before the general election.   When Parliament resumes we must hope for a quick vote on this issue. It is obvious to me though that the old farts upstairs in the Lords won't allow this to go through.   It is very unusual for the Parliament Act to be invoked in a matter which is not a manifesto commitment but it will need to be done on this issue. The commons MUST always win in the end. The unelected mob should bow to democracy.

18/01/01 FOOTBALL FUN! Down in deepest Sussex we have had the spectacle of the Tory group in Eastbourne self-exploding within a year of winning a majority on the borough council.   The new version of the borough plan drawn up had one of the town's open spaces which is currently being used by Eastbourne United as a football ground being built on with 100 houses.   Within a week of the draft plan being made public and following publicity in the local press the Tories had divided and 3 backed the Lib Dems to stop this plan.   The only question I ask myself is this, was the backdown by these 3 Tories because they are facing the voters this year?

11/01/01 POOR NIGEL! I feel very sory (not) for the Tory PPC for Birmingham Edgbaston Nigel Hastilow. As the Blessed Tony remarked in PMQ yesterday his name was mentioned in the House of Commons for the first and probably last time.   His crime was simple: to tell the truth. Hastilow was extremely hasty and said what everybody else has been saying about the Tories over the past year or so.   Baldilocks was so angry during PMQs that you could see the steam rising from his bald plate.   There is only one question left now, when is there going to be a new selection procedure for Edgbaston? Hastilow won't be allowed to stand after this incident.   THE BLACKRAT adds - I read in the paper  that most observers are now of the opinion that Hastilow has just about thrown away the TORIES chances of retaking Edgebaston, probably the only Birmingham seat they were realistically likely to be in with a chance of winning back. Keep it up you bastards, you're all doing just fine..... Oh and by the way, my election voting guide is just about ready, so I'll get that on the site within a couple of weeks or so. See ya...

07/01/01 ELECTION ALERT! Today the Blessed Tony fired the opening shots in what is bound to become the dirtiest general election in recent times. Following on from helping to fix the election results in the USA Billy Fixer's bound to try every dirty trick in a desperate attempt to grab a few more votes, if only to save his own arse.   When the election does eventually come (and the sooner the better I believe) the biggest enemy of all of us who oppose the Tory bastards is apathy.   It is the duty of each and every one of us to vote and just as importantly get those who hate them to vote as well.   The Black Rat is in the process of compiling a voting guide detailing which party to vote for in an effort to remove even more Tories. More details nearer the time!   Labour should win a majority and continue the good work so far done, but there is a lot more still to do. After all 18 years of Tory misrule can't be totally undone in 4 years.

18/12/00 ANOTHER AWARD! I have decided that there should be another extra special award (this is to complement the one in the same broad category as Black Rat has awarded) THE ECONOMY BOG-ROLL AWARD FOR WHOEVER ARSELICKED MOST TO A FASCIST/DICTATOR There are four nominations in this department Views from members welcome via the message board please   JACK STRAW For releasing Pinochet and allowing him to fly home and make a miraculous recovery THE POPE For meeting and accepting a gift of a Christmas Tree from the Austrian Fascist (and for not apologising properly for Catholic help to Hitler's mob during the war) NORMAN LAMONT For his services to Pinochet
(see Rat Droppings for more information) BILLY FIXER For his support of Pinochet, his obedience of Lady T's commands and sucking up to every fascist going along with his disgraceful racist comments

14/12/00 FAMILY VALUES WITH ALL THE TALK FROM THE TORIES OF FAMILY VALUES, I FIND MYSELF ASKING THIS QUESTION:   AM I THE ONLY ONE TO WONDER IF I AM WATCHING THE ADDAMS FAMILY WHEN I SEE THE TORY FRONT BENCH?

14/7/00 RACIST NONSENSE Just when we all wondered what had happened of late to the Tories' answer to Einstein he popped up again to make a speech in which he played the race card in a desparate gamble for votes.   Billy Fixer is a disgrace to humanity. The McPherson Report on the police cover-up into the Lawrence murder is spot-on. There has been racism rife in London's police for many years. When the Tory idiot says crime has gone up because of the report he is just spouting nonsense. Crime has gone up because the police can't be bothered to chase it up any more, unless there's something in it for them. They are too bothered giving speeding tickets to increase the amount of bookings they have each month.   A police station near me is in uproar at the moment after the appointment of a chief officer who is honest. In recent years some of the officers have been used to having holidays paid for by a local businessman who has now gone bankrupt. Some of them were flying first class to New Zealand (this I know for a fact, his wife used to work with me) and other such luxuries. How can a CONSTABLE on about £18,000 a year afford to pay maintenance for 3 children, pay a mortgage, run a car, have a spendthrift wife and fly to NZ first class? The answer is obvious - corruption. This is the same police station which had £100,000 worth of pot disappear before a major drugs trial and in recent years several convictions overturned.   Shouldn't Billy Boy be concentrating on finding the villains of the police instead of allowing them carte blanche to ruin people's lives?   We all know that his party harbours known racists, shouldn't he be clearing them out. But, there again, playing the race card has always been worth a few percentage points to the Tories.

14/7/00 ORWELLIAN SCENARIO We have been banging on lately about good old Uncle Jack and his plans for spying on all of us and the erosion of civil liberties that his plans would entail.   Many people have compared the situation to that in 1984 by George Orwell.   However, I have come to the conclusion that this Government is full of actors and actresses performing "Animal Farm".   Does anyone else remember the ending: "They looked at the pigs and then looked to the men, then they looked at them all again - and couldn't tell the difference." (Not perfect quotes but almost there).   Also the way that the revolution happened in the book is similar to 1997.   Is it a pure co-incidence that all this Orwellian situation should arise under a PM called Blair when Orwell's real name was Eric Blair?

7/12/00 GOOD OLD ROY! I have just been watching Question Time on BBC1 and was absolutely delighted to find Roy Hattersley in such good form. He truly is a political heavyweight in all senses of the word.   Roy tore the whippersnapper Tory John Bercow (yet another obnoxious little shit - aren't they all these days) to shreds and then Leon Britten made this idiot from the Tory front bench look the "Mad Little Englander" that he is.   Roy Hattersley is a very honest man and declared himself to be an out and out republican. His analysis of the monachy was spot on and his defence of Europe was brilliant.   How this man is a loss to the Government. He should be brought back to lead the Lords (an institution he himself would abolish). Surely the Blessed Tony could use the talents of one of Labour's best assets? Let loose on Hague, Billy Fixer would be a nervous wreck!

7/12/00 WANTED! 10 tons of SEMTEX to blow up HM The Queen Unfortunately I am too late advertising to catch the State Opening of Parliament. Apply Modern-Day Guy Fawkes PS: Does anybody know what U235 is?

7/12/00 DEAR UNCLE JACK Since I have been told this week that half of the department I am working in are to lose their jobs I am applying for a position in the new database warehouse that you will need to monitor every phone call, e-mail and website visited by your humble citizens.   I have 11 years computer experience and feel that I would be perfect for spying on the subversive rabble as there is nothing like a poacher turned gamekeeper!   I would be perfect for finding those reds under the bed, especially those who still believe in socialism (sorry I'd better remove that word but my backspace key isn't working!) and what better to find a republican but another republican.   I have the added advantage of being used to keeping weird hours so I am able to listen to people at any time of the day or night.   Please, please, please giz a job,   The Stirrer

DOME MK3 It was reported this week that the Mad Cow's chosen one (for this week anyway) is now Iain Duncan-Smith. Isn't it amazing just what an idiot he looks (that is if you can get to see a picture of the chosen one)?   He looks just like Billy Fixer! Just when the Tories thought they would get rid of the Baby Dome who was one of those behind the Disaster Zone (Millennium Dome)  they have been ordered by she who must be obeyed to choose the man who has been described as the "last Thatcherite".    All this just when Billy Fixer thought he had seen off El Fascistico!   Isn't it fun to sit back and watch this rabble at work! I always think it is worth paying good money to see a good comedy act, these idiots are getting paid between £43,000 and £100,000 of our money for giving us the entertainment they are dishing up.

ANOTHER CRAZY TORY WEEK! So we finish yet another crazy week in the ever decreasing circles of the Tory Party with first of all Portillo going to and fro about whether or not to retire and then Manic Streeter Preacher daring to attack the original Mad Tory Cow. His comments are designed to wind up the leader. The only question is this: when will the real Tory leader set her poodle on the poor man. After she has finished with him he will be a poor man, is THAT why he wants the Tories to become the party of the poor?

MR TWO MINDS In the last (and I hope it is the last!) Tory Government under Mr Frozen Peas there was a Government Minister by the name of David Willets who was given the nickname of "Two Brains".   Now we have a "Two Minds" in the Tory Party who goes by the alternative name of Michael Portillo.   No sooner has El Fascistico been soul-searching and wondering whether he wants to remain in politics than he is summoned by Billy Fixer and is ordered to give interviews saying that he is fully committed and is determined to become the next Tory Chancellor.   I'm very pleased to say that he is going to have a very long wait for that ambition to be fulfilled.

A REAL TORY HORROR STORY The Black Rat has written in his column about Anne Widdicombe doing the Rubber Chicken Circuit in the hope of becoming the next Tory leader after Hague has (in name only) led his party to its impending election defeat.   Doris Karloff would make the Tory Party look even more like a horror story than it is already. Just look at those who would back her: Mad Maggie and the Chingford Skinhead no doubt. After all, they wouldn't want Portillo as leader after having (however falsely) tried to show a caring side to the Tories.    THE BLACKRAT ADDS++++ That really would be "Nightmare on Widdecombe Street"  Under Mad Cow Part 2 the Tories would end up a rump, so perhaps we should hope for her succeeding Billy Fixer.

MORE TORY INSANITY! What a week! First there was the original Mad Tory Cow Thatcher on the loose and now the Chingford Skinhead has escaped from whatever institution he was in.   Tebbit wrote an article in the rabid right wing publication The Spectator condemning the breakdown in the social fabric and the lack of morality today.   He said "The muddle over Conservative policy on drugs and the coming-out of the new touchy-feely, pink-pound Portillo, has re-energised the long-running tug-of-war between Tory permissives and social paternalists."

Tebbit re-iterates that most Conservatives faithful to Thatcherite economics were social paternalists, while "soggy economic interventionists tend to be soggy social liberals".

However, he suggested that the liberal approach to economics should not be extended to the social and moral realms. He writes: "We economic liberals have been so bedazzled by the success of economic freedom that we have failed to see the scale of social disintegration brought about by the permissives. A rising tide of crime, vice and pornography threatens society."

What complete nonsense from yet another sad, senile old Tory bastard.

So, should anyone out and about on their legitimate business see a bald-headed beanpole escorting a senile old cow dressed in blue trying to convince everyone that she is the Queen while holding a poodle on very tight leash, please phone the authorities so they can all be returned to the lunatic asylum they escaped from.

PS The poodle should accompany them to the lunatic asylum too!

MORE MAD COW DISEASE! Just when you thought it was safe to turn your television back on, who should make an appearance - The original Tory Mad Cow, Margaret Thatcher! The senile old bitch was speaking about the prospect of a European Army. This caused the Blessed Tony to finally decide to attempt to put an end to the rumours about him being a Tory by daring to criticise the icon of Toryism. As Blair said, Billy Fixer's policy is: "Lady Thatcher - you lead, I'll follow."

ANOTHER TORY RAT JUMPS SHIP! This week it was announced that yet another Tory was defecting over the Billy Fixer's idiotic Euopean Policy (Lack of).   This time it was the former leader of the Euro MPs.   The Tory membership is like a leaking tap - drip, drip, drip (the Tory Party is full of drips anyway!)   As the Black Rat said: Will the last one please turn the lights off!

A VERY SPECIAL AWARD I have decided to give away one more extra special award:   THE CASH IN A BROWN PAPER BAG AWARD   The only nomination in this category is: CHARLES WARDLE MP For taking a job with Mohammed Al Fayed despite having personally turned him down for a passport

KICK THE TORIES AWARDS In addition to the main award of "Tory Idiot of the Year" I have decided to dish out a special award: THE STIRRER'S WOODEN SPOON FOR THE MOST KICKABLE TORY I will announce the winner on New Year's Day after meeting with the Black Rat to discuss the most suitable candidates over a jar or 14. (We will be drinking REAL beer unlike Billy Fizz who only drinks Adam's Ale!)

THE ROAD TO NOWHERE I see that the idiots behind the fuel protests were so thick that half of them couldn't even find their way to London!   What a load of prats they all were. Only 400 people turned up for the demonstration in central London. I seem to recall 250,000 to protest about the Poll Tax. It just goes to show that these self-appointed jerks speak for nobody but themselves.

THE BNP AND TONGA Having read the story on www.yougov.com about the BNP basing their website in Tonga, I have only one comment to make. It is a clear case of the hypocritical potty calling the kettle black.

BABY DOME AND THE DOME I heard on TV that Billy Fizz was a member of the cabinet committee that decided to build the Dome so I have sent him an e-mail asking when is he going to resign! If you wish to read this e-mail I have posted it on the Dear Billy page

THE US PRESIDENTIAL FARCE This week in America we have witnessed precisely what can happen when complacency by voters sets in. At the time of writing it looks like Bush and his weird chums are the winners.   It is ironic that those who voted Green have probably ensured the victory of the person most unsympathetic to their cause.   This is surely a lesson to anybody thinking that the Tories are unelectable. There is always a chance that the bastards could sneak in through the back door. That is why my message is simple:   AT THE NEXT ELECTION VOTE FOR THE CANDIDATE MOST LIKELY TO DEFEAT THE TORIES IN YOUR AREA - THAT IS WHY I WILL VOTE LIBERAL DEMOCRAT AND NOT FOR LABOUR (THE PARTY OF MY CHOICE).

TORIES AND GERM WARFARE Searching through the news pages on the internet trying to find something to fill this column I came across the story that the Tories are defending compulsion in testing germ warfare agents on conscripts during World War 2 at Porton Down. They blandly state that nothing like that could happen today etc, but I can't help wondering if the real reason that they are supporting the place is the fact that Sick Willy Vague looks like a product of their sick experiments.

WHAT A BORE! We have all become familiar with the sad tale of how Sick Willy Vague used to waste his childhood by reading Hansard and learning the parliamentary constituencies, their MPs and majorities. We have all heard about his pathetic attempts to seem like one of the lads by his boasts about his drinking and we have all grown tired of his jokes at question time which invariably backfire. But now he has revealed himself to be a terminal case of boredom . . . by going to watch Arsenal attempt to play football.   Like Arsenal, the Tories will be a bunch of losers at the next election.

MORE TORY MAD COW DISEASE According to a new survey by scientists in Bristol more MPs and Peers are turned on by a picture of Margaret Thatcher than sexpot Denise Van Outen.   This is no surprise, because, as we reported before, Mad Cow Disease is still prevalent in the Tory Party.   It was also found that most were scared when shown a picture of Jeremy Paxman. There would have been even more shit to clear up if Hague had been part of the sample!

MORE FUEL FOR THOUGHT Further to the story before about the BNP being involved in the fuel protests, through the message board on this site a so-called socialist has called for the downfall of a Labour Government through supporting this rag-tag bunch of fools. What started as a few country bumpkins protesting about paying 3p per litre for their fuel has now escalated into an anarchist's dream with every weirdo extremist jumping onto the bandwagon, Hague included. So we now have Hague's definition of a "fine upstanding citizen" - an extremist who is prepared to see millions of people suffer to make an extreme political point. THE GOVERNMENT MUST SMASH THIS PROTEST - MOB RULE CANNOT BE ALLOWED TO WIN

OH TO BE A DREAMER In an ideal world there would be no wars, in an ideal world there would be a perfect NHS, in an ideal world there would be no dome, in an ideal world there would be a truly socialist Government . . . and in an ideal world beer would be free.   But, unfortunately, we DON'T live in an ideal world. I strongly believe that it is better to have a reforming Labour Government than a Tory Government which would dismantle the NHS and welfare state, would appeal to every bigot in the country, would reintroduce mass unemployment and would generally be a disaster for the country.   To those who call themselves socialists and yet wish to see the downfall of this Labour Government I have one message: THE ONLY ALTERNATIVE TO THIS LABOUR GOVERNMENT IS THE TORIES

TORIES AND FASCISM It has come as no surprise to see on the pages of www.yougov.com a story about the BNP getting heavily involved with the fuel protests.   It is yet another piece of evidence to add to the mounting pile that the BNP and the Tories will one day (pretty soon too) merge.   An old Labour Party member many years ago used to say "scratch a Tory and find a fascist". That has never been more true than it is today.

ANOTHER TORY INVADER! I have noticed the appearance of another Tory invader! This time his name is Carnegie. He has not been banned however because rather than acting like a complete prick like Viscompte he has found the courage to try to argue his case and not throw personal insults.   While Tories are not exactly welcome on this site, I am prepared for a good-natured debate. In fact I welcome a debate because, in time, the stupidity of Tory policy will shine through.   Carnegie has headlined his message "abolish the minimum wage", I believe that it is far too low. I have worked on piss poor money before and even now I am earning less than I did 15 years ago.   My prescription is simple: INCREASED TAXES AND INCREASED MINIMUM WAGE.

WHAT A PERFORMANCE! (NOT) I endured 15 minutes of television hell watching Billy Fizz being "interviewed" by Clarkson on BBC2 on Thursday night, in the hope of being able to hear something to take the piss out of on this site.   This was the most bland, dull, idiotic and pathetic performance ever in an interview by a so-called serious politician.   Hague was made to look like an idiot by a Tory supporter. If he couldn't handle Clarkson how the hell does he expect to get through a general election campaign where he would have to be interviewed by serious reporters? During the conference season he avoided being interviewed by Paxman. Now I know why, he would be knocked out within 2 minutes by serious questioning.   Billy Fizz repeated his claim of drinking 14 pints and Clarkson, a total sycophant, said to him: "Is that all?" or something on that line. There was no attempt at putting anything serious at all. It's just a shame that I had fallen asleep earlier in the evening in the chair or I would have missed this crap.   BILLY LIAR SAID THAT IF HE TRIED TO DRINK 14 PINTS NOW IT WOULD PROBABLY KILL HIM. SO LETS HOPE THAT SOMEONE BUYS HIM SOME DRINKS (ANY BETS ON PORTILLO BEING THAT SOMEONE?)

BILLY LIAR AND BSE Following the report into BSE and vCJD I am left wondering whether Hague The Vague is going to shoulder any of the responsibility for the crisis, after all, he was part of the Government when the scandal occurred. Or are we going to see the usual load of bullshit (pun intended) from his mouth. And there is no defence from John Major, Kenneth Clarke or Michael Heseltine about doing their best to get rid of Mad Cow Disease by toppling Thatcher, after all Widdicombe is still in the Shadow Cabinet and Thatcher is still pulling the strings of Billy Boy.

ANYBODY GOT A MAP? It has been reported in the Daily Mirror that the Tories botched up the maps of the North East on their website. This is no surprise, map-reading has never been their strongest ability - remember Mark Thatcher.   Even the constituency next door to Billy Fizz's seat has been misplaced.   When Billy Liar sets of on his tour there is fresh hope that he may get lost. I think he should disappear up his own mouthpiece (the rear one that is).

INFILTRATION - STIRRER-STYLE The infiltration by Tories onto this site is no surprise to me. I have in my time become a master of infiltration.   I have single-handedly caused the Tory bastards on their msn webpage to change their membership criteria to a vetting procedure where you have to give a reason for wanting to join and then wait for a yes or no.   I didn't do a "Viscompte" (shame the bastard can't spell his own name let alone that of his leader - see postings by "The Vis" [I think it's the same person] on the Tory site) and criticise the members personally, I was honest and plastered messages saying Vote Labvour instead and posted the picture above in a message.   I still have 3 members in place on their site! They will reveal their true colours at some time in the future!   PS - To any Tories who need to learn to spell their leader's name it is:   Hairless Arrogant Gormless Unreformable fascist Excrement

BRAINS FOR SALE I saw on the regional news that there is a new technology to increase brainpower and concentration available from the Alpha-learning institute in Wokingham.   My thoughts were instantly driven towards Billy Fizz and his rabble of Nazi-Lovers.   Will Billy Liar make a block booking for the Shadow Cabinet at £3,500 a time. In my opinion they would be better served by a spell at Plumpton Agricultural College as they are all vegetables.

TORY HYPOCRITES AND FINANCE What the bloody hell gives those corrupt bastards in the Tory Party the right to lecture Labour over party donations?   Just this week we have had the spectacle of Lord Ashcroft of Fifty Pound Note taking his seat in the Lords and it has emerged about Ecclestone rasing £700,000 for the Tories before the last election.   It was bloody obvious that the idiot was hedging his bets and trying to buy a delay in the ban on smoking advertising in Formula 1 from either party should they win office. It just goes to show what a bloody fool he was throwing away £700,000 when there was more chance of me kissing the Pope's finger than the Tories winning the last election. Mandelson was just a bloody idiot. But the Tories had 18 years of corruption.   A clear case of calling the kettle black.

THE CATHOLIC CHURCH AND ABUSE There has been abuse of children by Nuns and Priests in the Catholic Church for decades now.   This went on in orphanages run by them, boarding schools run by them and even in state-supported schools run by the Catholics. They brainwash children and humiliation is a speciality. I remember one poor child in my primary school having to walk around the school with a notice on his neck saying "I am a blasphemer".   The nuns used to force-feed children, I still can't eat cabbage and mash potato to this day after being force-fed at school. The nuns used to refuse to let children leave the room to go to toilet. It is no surprise to me that priests have been involved in sexually abusing children. The only surprise is that the church failed to cover up sufficiently.   The Catholic Church has many skeletons in its cupboard, after all, they were the only church to actively help Hitler kill Jews during the World War 2.   THE TIME HAS COME FOR A FULL PUBLIC ENQUIRY